Is this too little contact?
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| Wed, 04-26-2006 - 12:03pm |
HI there,
Ok, here's the deal - I have been on a first date with a guy who contacted me through an online dating site. He lives 2 hours away and made the journey to come to my town. The date was great, and we chatted, really friendly over dinner and had a good time.
The thing that bothers me is I hardly ever hear from him, when we are apart. He checks in with a mobile phone text message about once or twice a week asking what I'm doing. We also chat online about once or twice a week for 20 mins. He used to email about once a week before we met, but he hasn't done that lately. He did say that he's not really into meeting people online - So chatting online may just not be his kinda thing.
I am wondering if this is too little contact from him? To me it feels like it is, even though after the date, on MSN he said he was very attracted to me and wanted to get to know me better. However, it's been a week since the date, and I've had two phone text messages and an online chat from him.... It just feels like too little to me. Or maybe I am expecting too much? What do you think? Admittedly, it is early days, and he might not be sure how he feels about me yet. Things need to be given time to grow. However, I don't want to fall into the trap of making excuses for him, if he's not really interested?
What do you think I should do in this situation? Should I ask him outright, whether he's interested in me or not? I did consider asking him if he thought it was a good idea to meet up again, but this might be too pushy. Maybe, it's better to wait till he asks me out?
I don't know if I should mention his lack of contact. I'd hate for him to feel I'm whinging at him to contact me more... Cos I hate it when guys do that to me. Normally, I'm very laid back about contact and prefer to have my own space.
I'd appreciate some advice or thoughts please!
Thanks,
~Cherise

You are the only one who can decide if it's too little contact...it's really a personal issue and everyone's different.
However, if I were in your shoes, I would not like the fact that he hasn't asked you out again (at least that is what it sounds like from your post). If he doesn't ask you out in the next communication, I would respond with something like, "I would enjoy getting together with you again. Please let me know when you'd like to do so". And then if he doesn't make plans to see you, I'd let it go.
But in the meantime, you should *definitely* be meeting and dating other people...he's a long-shot, IMO.
Sheri
This is always a tough subject because men tend to not be talkers per se, I think though, that if a guy really likes you and the date is successful then he's would generally ask you out within one to two weeks.
I'm in a similar situation, I went out with a guy I met online almost two weeks ago, he e-mailed me two days later, and we also spoke on phone. He asked me out for a second date but the day after he cancelled because his Dad who lives across the country was coming to spend a week with him. While his Dad has been in town he's managed to e-mail me a few times, albeit very brief, he says he's had very little time and that all of his time is spent working or with his Dad. The catch is that even though he has such little time on his hands he's still managed to go online to the dating website we met on every day. Should I take this to mean that he's not interested? I mean, if he was that interested wouldn't he had continued to contact me as he had before, and made concrete plans for our 'rain cheque' date?
Any insight would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks everyone!
Clicking onto a website is MUCH easier to do when you have just a few minutes, than, say, planning a date or even emailing someone, LOL! So I would not think anything of the fact that he "has time" to be on the dating site.
Now, if he doesn't plan the date pretty darn quick when his dad is gone, then it's pretty clear IMO that he's not all that interested. But at this point I would not stay neutral about his interest level.
Sheri
Oy! That used to drive me crazy when I used internet dating sites! As for this guy... I can't tell you whether he is just busy or is stringing you along. It would do us no good to guess.
What I can tell you is this. You don't seem satisfied with the amount of attention he is showing you, so why give him the time of day? Find someone who WILL pay attention. You have the choice to move on. You can go out on a second date with him when he resurfaces, if you still like him. In the meantime, I wouldn't wait around. He's not the ONLY guy on the internet ;-)