How can I learn to let go......
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How can I learn to let go......
| Thu, 04-27-2006 - 9:41pm |
I am almost 30 and I've never been in love. I have an ex-boyfriend that I can't let go of and it's killing both of us. We break up and I look to replace him, but I sabotage those relationships before they even get started and end up back with the old boyfriend. He wants to get married, but I don't think he'd make me a good husband. I am so afraid to let go of him, he's my safety blanket. Whenever something bad happens, that I feel I can't go alone, he's there to hold my hand and to take care of me through it. Somehow, I still feel that he isn't enough. He doesn't make enough money and I really don't like his family. We don't see eye to eye about religion, education or our careers. I feel so bad because I know I'm breaking his heart, but I also know that I'd never truly be happy with him. So many other women would be happy to have a man that catered to their every whim and was still passionately and romantically in love with them after almost 13 years of dating. He still thinks I'm sexy and beautiful, even after I've put on over 50 lbs. since we starting dating. I don't know what's wrong with me, that I can't wake up and realize how good I've got it. I don't know why, I'm just not in love with him. If you've ever been where I am, how did you make it through???

Ok..so why do you want to be with this guy? Having a "safe" guy is normal...most of us have one. As it turns out woman are getting married later. A lot of women think that they will never find that "one" guy so they hold on to something that is close (but not perfect). You already listed a lot of things you don't like about him - family, financial status, etc. But you state you love him. Are you in love with him? Or love him like a friend. Yes, there is a difference. Don't feel that you need to be with him because you put on a few pounds and since you're 30 you will never find another guy. That's not true.
I know how you feel as I am in the same situation. I have thought for the past 4 years (off and on) that I would marry my best friend. He is a great dad to his son and he just seemed like the greatest guy in the world to me. About 8 months ago, I moved to another state for a new job. He recently came to visit me with his son and after living with him for 10 days, I really had to rethink my thought of marriage to him. I realized that there was a lot of stuff that I didn't like about him - things that I wanted out of a partner in life. It could be the fact that I never noticed these things before or that I have changed my view of what I want.
Take a step back and really look at him...you can always keep him for a friend. Why waste your time and someone you won't be happy with for the rest of life?