What's wrong with him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2006
What's wrong with him?
8
Fri, 12-15-2006 - 9:56am
I was dating this guy for about 5 months. I thought everything was going great with us, we met some of each others family friends and he really seemed to like me. It's a long story but to sum things up a week a ago things changed. One of my family members was in town and he asked if she would like to come out with us, so we all hung out that day. He called later that night and said he was tired and would see me the next day. It has been a week later and I haven't heard from him since. It's just weird, I don't know if he may have been offended or embarrassed him in some way, but I was around them the entire time and didn't notice anything. Then again if there was a problem with this guy and my family member, why would he just completely ignore me? I know that he isn't the type of person to just hold his feelings in when there is something wrong. I can't understand what happened. I have called him and he didn't return my call. I know that he still exist and wasn't in a horrific accident or something. Anyway the biggest mistake that I made was introducing him to my family. I usually don't introduce my family to anyone i'm dating unless i'm in a serious relationship, which I thought this was. Now I have to deal with hearing what happened to that guy that you were dating? It's just hard to get over this because there was no closure.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Fri, 12-15-2006 - 10:21am

Your guess is as good as mine. He disappeared. You won't be able to find out until he contacts you, if he contacts you.

Seems strange, he owes you a call.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 12-15-2006 - 12:25pm

Hi texasborn2006!

Pianoguy has brought this up several times in the past...but expecting CLOSURE...and ACTUALLY GETTING IT are as different as "peas and carrots!" .

Your suspicions about your EX's lack of communication might be correct? And it's also possible that he felt like your family was 'scrutinizing him to the nth degree?'

Most of us enjoy learning about our g/f's family members UNTIL we reach the point where we're constantly being observed or silently judged? And let's face it...there are probably family members and friends who can reveal their innermost feelings (or their displeasures) about us with "just one look!"

The moment ANY man feels like he's under 'constant uncomfortable observation'---he'll politely, but quickly...DISAPPEAR...without leaving a forwarding address!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2006
Fri, 12-15-2006 - 1:56pm
Hi Pianoguy, I appreciate your response. Although I have to disagree with the assumption that he was scrutinized by my family. My family never gave him the third degree and made him feel uncomfortable. If asking Hi, how are you doing? Everytime he would come over made him feel uncomfortable for the past 5 months, then he obvisiouly wasn't the right guy for me. He knew that I lived with my parents the first day I met him, so if he was uncomfortable with my living situation then why would he continusly want to come into my home? I'm not the first girl that he has dated that lived with their family. I'm sure he knows how parents can be about meeting someone their daughter is dating. It isn't normal that all of a sudden one night he feels overwhelmed by my parents and then bolts after hanging out over there for 5 months. I know that isn't a long time, but I mean come on! Does that really seem logic? I really don't think my family caused him to stop speaking to me. I think something else was going on with him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Sat, 12-16-2006 - 2:06pm
Sidebar question: why do you refer to yourself in the third person? Just wondering. Hope I didn't offend you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Sat, 12-16-2006 - 2:13pm

Your guess is as good as mine. He seems rude and unfeeling. I'm sure he's realized that you were worried about him just disappearing like that. You can call and ask him to return your call without going into detail either in email or on voicemail. If after 5 months he doesn't feel he should give you a return call, then he has no character. I can say, "you are better off without him" and while that is true, it doesn't make the pain go away NOW.

Closure is overrated, but some insight as to why he hasn't contacted you in a week, would be nice. That happened to me once and the guy was just trying to control the dating speed. By that, I mean he wanted things to slow down and did it the wrong way. He was very predictable and his behavior was something that I could count on at first. Things seemed to be going well without either one of us ignoring the other aspects of our lives. Because of how he handled things, I made sure to let him know that I didn't wish to date him again. There is nothing wrong taking things slow, but there is a way to handle life's dilemas and there is a way not to handle them. He chose the wrong way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 12-17-2006 - 1:13pm

snafu2006...

Pianoguy usually begins all of his responses in the 3rd person...then usually shifts to the (traditional) 1st person! Every now and then...PG will switch back to the 3rd!

It's just a writing style...nothing more!

Thanks for asking though...

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Sun, 12-17-2006 - 7:27pm
Sooooo...that is like your signature, like a trademark....I see... the artist in you shines through on the board. hehehe. Thanks for the response.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
Sun, 12-17-2006 - 8:36pm
Pay this guy a surprise visit and confront him. He may have become scared away from the idea of committment when he was introduced to your family and you all hang out together. Had you and this guy ever discussed a future and what you want out of the relationship