Brief encounter has me questioning
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| Mon, 12-18-2006 - 9:13pm |
I have a serious boyfriend who I've been dating for a year. I insisted on moving slowly when we started dating because he was not what I thought was “my type”. I grew to love him and he has spent almost every night at my place since last spring (meaning, we're almost inseparable these days). We're that sickeningly sweet couple that is attached at the hip; the king and queen of PDAs.
A few weeks ago, I went to an event in another city with a large group of friends from all over the country (my boyfriend had a work conflict, so I went alone). After the event, a single guy friend and I stayed up into the wee hours catching up, talking about life, work, family, relationships, etc. I've always been close to him, so I confided that I'm not 100% sure that my boyfriend is "the one”. This was just one topic we talked about, not the focus of conversation.
Later, when we went to our separate beds, he asked if I wanted to snuggle. This is something we've done a lot over the years and I thought about it for a while and then said yes. The second he crawled in next to me, I was excited. When he tried to kiss me, I sent him back to his bed. I realize that it was silly to say yes to the snuggling in the first place. In the morning, all was fine...we've been friends so long and have fooled around a few times when we were both single, never letting it ruin our friendship.
Now, nothing really happened there, but the experience has me questioning my relationship. When my boyfriend touches me, I feel comfortable, safe, and loved. When my friend touched me (more like pawed me), I felt hot, sexy, and desired. It has me wondering if I should be feeling both ways with my boyfriend. Was the feeling I had with my friend just a result of the “forbidden fruit” aspect of the interaction or should I be worried that I don’t feel that way with my boyfriend?
I AM NOT interested in my friend and I have no one “waiting in the wings”.

I would say it was the combination of someone unfamiliar and it being "forbidden fruit". That rush of lust is why people have affairs. But the fact that you don't feel exactly that way about your BF doesn't mean he's not right for you--it could just mean you've gotten comfortable with each other and you need to do some work to raise the passion level.
Sheri
Directed to the OP:
Yeah, those are your hormones and nothing more.
MY question in this matter is this - does your boyfriend know you did this? Would it be okay with you if a female "friend" of his crawled into bed with him to "cuddle?"
I'm questioning why you agreed to this in the first place. Do you and your boyfriend have an open relationship? Can he endulge in this behavior too?
I'm not sure I see the point in telling my boyfriend about this. As I said, it was a brief encounter with someone I've been close to for years. Of course I'd be upset if something happened between my boyfriend and another woman, but if the tables were turned and nothing happened, I wouldn't want to subject myself to hearing about it.
The reason I added the last line was to show that this was the result of bad judgement, not a premeditated effort to cheat on my boyfriend. As far as the question about whether he can indulge in this behavior, the answer would be that people can have a moment of weakness and make a poor choice.
I went through a phase when I expected perfection from everyone, myself included, I was frequently disappointed.
I appreciate your response, emdeesea. It is true that mistakes do happen; however, putting yourself in the other person's shoes can be helpful when it comes down to temptation! It just may help one to resist the urge. :)
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