Is he seeing someone else?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2006
Is he seeing someone else?
5
Tue, 12-19-2006 - 1:05am
I've been seeing a man for about a month and a half. We are not exclusive but we have both said that we are currently not seeing anyone else nor are we interested in anyone else. He lives about 3.5 hours away and I visit him every week or so for a few days at a time. When we're together, he treats me well and it's obvious that he's trying to make me feel welcome and special. We hang out wth his friends and have a really great time together. The last time I was there, I noticed on his night stand where he puts random things, there was a phone number in his handwriting that had the same prefix as one that is from my town. It's not a small town but it isn't large town either so there are only a few different prefix's. It caught my eye and the name written above it in his handwriting was a girl's name. The number wouldn't have bothered me at all if it was from somewhere else other than my town nor would it even have caught my eye. I didn't ask him about it right away since I was thrown and didn't want to come off all defensive and insecure about it. A few minutes later I was going to ask in a lighthearted way but I had noticed by then that he had set his wallet on the paper. This could have been coincidence or he could have been trying to hide it. I'm not quite sure. I decided not to make a big deal out of it since we aren't exclusive and I didn't want to ruin the weekend right off the bat. The next day it started to bother me again and I was going to ask about it but then realized that I couldn't now. He'd been at work all day and if I asked about the number, which had since been covered up by a different piece of paper, then I would have been perceived as a snooper. I still haven't asked and it's bothering me. There could be a million different explanations as to who this girl is and what her number is doing in his possession. She could be a friend of his that's gone home to my town for the holidays. She could be someone that used to work at the resort that he lives at who now lives in my town.
I am really trying to give the benefit of the doubt on this one since I have a lot of experiences from my past where trust has been an issue on both sides. I don't want to ask about the number as it could easily be nothing and then I come off as insecure and everything backfires. If it is another interest, we aren't exclusive so do I have the right to ask about it? Also, if he were really trying to hide the number, wouldn't he have been stealthier about it and put it in his coat pocket or inside the wallet so I wouldn't see it after he'd realized it was out?
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 12-19-2006 - 2:29am

Honestly, I think that since you are not exclusive, it's none of your business. Let it go.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Tue, 12-19-2006 - 7:31am
I would ask him about the number. It could be a referral for a dog sitter or he is up to something. Either way you won't know unless you bring the subject up.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2006
Tue, 12-19-2006 - 7:43am

I think you should examine whether or not you are really ready to have a non-exclusive relationship with a guy. It sounds like you are alowing yourself to get ahead of things which can cause problems for you down the road. If you don't want him to see other people and are bothered by the fact that he might, you need to speak up and ask for exclusivity. Be true to yourself.

YG

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
Tue, 12-19-2006 - 9:38am

If you're not exclsuive, there's nothing he needs the benefit of the doubt for.

Just because he told you he wasn't dating/interested in anyone else at the time you talked, didn't meant that it committed him to not dating anyone else or becoming interested in anyone else. Until and unless you're exclusive, he's free to call and date other women; just as you are free to call and date other men.

If you want to be exclusive with him, tell him. It doesn't require brining up the piece of paper with the number of who knows who. Just tell him you've been thinking a lot about the two of you, and you would like to become exclusive. Go from there!

Good luck.




Edited 12/19/2006 9:39 am ET by ioveranalyze
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Tue, 12-19-2006 - 6:50pm
You say you are not exclusive, but not dating others. You need to ask him if that status has changed any, given the fact that you have a right to know if he is dating someone, medically speaking. Especially if you are not using protection from vd. I wouldn't worry about looking insecure. Maybe i wouldn't ask about the specific phone number, maybe I would. It depends on the moment. I have had these conversations with men before and it is very important to know if they are sleeping with anyone else. You can say, "I didn't snoop, but I noticed that your wallet was on top of a woman's phone number. Is she a friend, or work acquaintance or someone you are dating?" If he gets defensive about it, then just simply state that you have a RIGHT to know if there is another person's bodily fluids being exchanged here and he would feel the same way if he found your wallet on top of a man's phone number. Trust me, he would.