Should I keep seeing him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2006
Should I keep seeing him?
4
Wed, 12-20-2006 - 11:20am
I've been on three dates with a guy I met through a friend. He's a nice and attractive guy and I'm pretty sure he's interested in ME, and not just sex-with-me, because after three dates he hasn't made that sort of move that would imply he just wanted sex, and he still wants to see me again for number 4. So anyways, that's all fine and I think that I like him, too, but the problem is that I know that I'm still not over my ex. I dated my ex for almost three years and I never loved anyone before him. He definitely changed in the last few months of our relationship, so I know that I wouldn't want to be with him NOW, but I still really miss the him I used to know.
It's been four months since we broke up and I want to get out there and meet someone new. I have fun with this new guy, but I find myself comparing him to my ex. What I mean is I like him, but I feel like I don't like him "as much" as my ex. But then my ex and I dated for so long and we were friends for months before we started dating, so there wasn't the awkwardness of getting to know someone.
So, should I keep seeing the new guy and give this a chance? Are the first few dates usually awkward?
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-20-2006 - 11:55am

I think the fact you're comparing him to your ex shows you're not ready to date yet (and that makes sense if you're only 4 months out of a 3 year relationship!). So I think the best thing to do would be to tell this guy that you have realized that you're probably not ready to date, but you enjoy his company and if he's willing to keep seeing each other as friends for the time being, you'd like that.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2006
Thu, 12-21-2006 - 9:25am

I agree with Northwestwanderer. You should be honest and tell this new guy about how you feel. If he cares his relation with you, he will understand. 3 years relation vs 3 dates???...that's a huge difference. Relationship takes time to grow.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2004
Fri, 12-22-2006 - 12:53am

Four months since the break-up isn't that long. It took me a full year to be ready to date again after a 4-year relationship -- a breakup that I initiated, too. I think the "rule" -- which isn't necessarily true, but at least something to consider -- is that it takes half the time of a relationship to get over it. So that would be a year and a half for you under this theory.

Anyway, the first few dates are always awkward, unless they're not -- I think it sounds like you need more time before you start dating again, although maybe just see how this feels for now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Wed, 12-27-2006 - 10:36am

Yes first dates are awkward and you're in mourning for something that died. And you were with your boyfriend for a long time. So it's probably too soon to date seriously. But can you tell this new guy that you like him and do want to see him in a no pressure way but that you are not yet ready for anything serious?

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