Confused: I can't pick one?!?!?!?
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| Sun, 12-24-2006 - 12:04am |
I am totally confused on what I should do! and it's a pretty long story!
I started dating Ben about a year ago (yes, a year ago!) and everything was going well untill he had to move away for a year (4 months ago). I told him that I didn't want a long distance relationship ('cause I had one for 3 years and the guy ended up cheating on me) so I had assumed that we were not "seeing each other" anymore. so about 2 months ago when my co-worker set me up on a blind date, I figured 'why not' I had nothing to loose so I went on a date with DH. He is a very decent guy and we hit it off really well. However, Ben called me a few times. and every time he called he would say start by saying "No calls, No txt, No e-mails? no anything? what's wrong?" and I would just say that I was really busy 'cause I really didn't know what we were. so now, during the holidays Ben is back. and we were going to meet so that I can tell him that I was sorry but I am seeing someone else and that it isn't working out between us. But the moment I saw him, I just couldn't bring myself to do it. however I did tell him that I went on a date with another guy because I didn't really know what we were. He was hurt but didn't want to continue the conversation since he thought it was just a one time thing. But the truth is, DH and I had been getting closer, getting to know each other more and more and he had actually asked me to be his gf (old-school type of gentleman) and I almost said yes. but I told him that I was seeing someone else before him, and that I had to finalize with him before I can say yes to him! so now, I have a dilemma: I don't know which guy to pick (I like both of them, I wish I can mix the best of the two together)
here are the pro and cons of each:
Ben
Pro: - a lot in common (outgoing, talkative, great dancer, loves to party)
- more to talk about
- great in bed
- non-smoker
Con: - different ethnic background
- not physically here for the next 10 months, maybe even more
- still in post-education
DH
Pro: - similar ethnic background (easier to communicate with family members)
- lives 10 minutes away from my house
- old-school gentleman (very polite and all: typicall nice guy)
- the type you bring home to mommy and daddy
- has a steady job and owns property
Con: - he is a smoker (I can't stand it, I hate smoke and he knows)
- he is really quiet (compared to me who is very talkative)
- he isn't great in bed
I might seem really superficial here, but I am trying to keep this more factual since emotionally I clicked with both and I like both but maybe neither of them is for me... This is so hard. I never thought I would end up a player (I thought I had more morals than that but go figure... )I am such a typical libra... can't decide!!! so Please someone help me analyze this!!! Thank you!!!

It seems that you're picking DH because he's closer for the next 10 months, but he's got a lot on the cons side: he's a smoker and he's not great in bed. You hate smokers. Are you settling down because Ben is way for 10+ months? To me, Ben seems a more serious candidate for you unless his cons weight more than his pros.
I'd re-think the situation. Perhaps, you could commit to the time Ben is away and try the LD thing. However, that would mean not cheating on him while he's away. It seems that Ben really loves and is trying to make it work. You need to decide as well.