Expectaions

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Expectaions
5
Fri, 12-29-2006 - 6:36pm
been with my BF for 4 months. We were together for 2 months when I had to leave on a month-long vacation. I was calling him at least once or twice a week.
got back home to find he had booked himself a 24-day vacation in South America. We spend one week together and he takes off.
BF turns off his cell phone while away kuz roaming charges are outrageous. we email and chat almost every other day. He did call his parents on Xmas. While we just exchanged wishes by email. (Which is fine, he knows Xmas is no biggy for me)
Now for New Year I expect him to call. We chatted today and said our wishes... but I still expect him to call me on 31st at midnight even for just 10 min. (after all it is ok if he pays $15 to tell me Happy New Year live!)
I feel if he does not call it is a sign he is cheap. I know he is in a foreign country but all he has to do is turn on his cellphone and call. He does care a lot and he is online everytime I ask him to be... so I know he cares but I m worried he is a bit frugal if he does not call. Am I being realistic with this assumption?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005
In reply to: juliara2003
Fri, 12-29-2006 - 7:30pm
Did you tell him that you expect him to call you on New Years?

Smile,

Deirdre

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
In reply to: juliara2003
Fri, 12-29-2006 - 8:42pm

No I did not ask him to call. If I asked he would call for sure. But I want to see if he feels the need to call. Not just because I want him to... I m trying to figure if he is frugal not if he cares about me(kuz I know how much he cares)

I m sure it crosses his mind that calling once in 24 days on a v. special occasion is important. but maybe $15 is more important to him :~P

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005
In reply to: juliara2003
Sat, 12-30-2006 - 8:24am
Well I am not someone who feels that NYE is a special occasion, nor is Valentines day, everyone has different feelings on what constitutes "special". So I think your setting him up. Unless you tell him that you'd really like him to call at midnight I think you are just setting him up for failure and it's not fair.

Smile,

Deirdre

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2006
In reply to: juliara2003
Sun, 12-31-2006 - 1:33am

Hi juliara!

I must say I agree with the last poster -- I think you should ask him to call you, otherwise you are expecting him to know what you want without giving him any clue. I completely understand that we want our men to be as thoughtful as we are sometimes, but that usually just isn't the case -- they don't seem to be wired that way! You have to tell them EXPLICITLY what you want. After all, he's been good about communicating with you every day while he's away, and as the last poster said, he may not consider NYE a major holiday. Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
In reply to: juliara2003
Sun, 12-31-2006 - 12:41pm

To the OP:

I have to say I also agree with the other posters. To a lot of people, NYE, Valentine's Day and so forth, are just another day with no major significance. Personally, the New Year means little more than a day off work.

What is important to YOU may not be important to someone else. You have to consider that. And what YOU think is being thoughtful is completely different than what someone ELSE thinks is thoughtful. I have found myself that men do not go in for cards, little trinkets and phone calls as big deals - those are things that are important to women. AND - your boyfriend cannot read your mind. And, as another poster put it, you are setting him up for failure. And that's not fair. And I guarantee you, it will not work to your advantage to act unfairly and to get uptight about something that is important do YOU but that YOU have failed to inform him of.