new here & can anyone help?????
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| Sat, 12-30-2006 - 5:42pm |
help!!!! :( my second best friend's son "B" really wants to date me, but i do not want to date him, not even in the least bit. we are 3 yrs different in age, with him being older than i am, but i act older than he. he has a daughter from a previous marriage & i have a 13 yr old daughter from a previous relationship, so there are children involved (which my daughter is autistic so she can be a handful if things aren't just so).
his mother whom i lover dearly (my second best friend), i think has been encouraging things with him since she knows i have not dated since the father of my daughter. (easier that way since my autistic daughter scares off most men when they see some of her behaviors). "B" has never seen any of her behaviors since he either sees me at my job, when she is in school, or when she is with her grandparents. half of the time i don't think that "B" has the patience for his own child let alone one with a disability. also he seldom mentions my daughter being involved in any activities that he wants me to do with him & his daughter, or him & his mother. my daughter is #1 in my life so if he doesn't want her he does not want me.
i keep telling him that he does not know me, but he thinks that i am just saying that so i will not get hurt, which he says he will not hurt me & that he really wants to date me. so far all i think that he is out for is getting me in bed by the comments he makes to me & everyone else. also 4 yrs ago when i 1st met him (with his mother) i was very over weight, which now i have lost 75 lbs & he all of a sudden wants to date me & tells his mother (my 2nd best friend) "that i am hot". what's the difference fat or not, i'm still the same person!!??!!
also i don't want his mother (my 2nd best friend) getting use to thinking there is something more than there really is between he & i (she would love it if we got together). how do i tell her that i think he is a looser & i do not want to date him without hurting her feelings. also i have given him telephone #'s of single women that i think would like to date him, but i think that he thinks that i am just joking around. also his mother has told me things that if i were interested in him that would surely change my mind, like he is lazy, he won't pay her rent since he & his daughter has moved back in with her, he did not get her anything for christmas (he does have a job at this moment), he won't do anything around the house, & much, much more i won't get into.
how do i tell her that i don't want anything to do with "B" without hurting her feelings & also his daughter is getting attached to me from being around me with her grandmother.
hellllllppppp!!!!!
any suggestions will be appreciated.
Lori

First, Congrats on losing all that weight! It's really hard to do that and I applaud you. You may find that other men, not just this man, who knew you before you lost the weight are now interested in you. Yes, you are the same person, but now you have become physically attractive to more men than you were before. There is nothing wrong with men preferring to date women with a certain body type - it doesn't make them shallow. It's no different from you being attracted to a particular look in men, no matter what that look is. I've been overweight and thin, and I don't expect men to want to date me if they aren't attracted to overweight women. I'm not attracted to very overweight men and I wouldn't date them either - even if they have a great personality. Sexual attraction is important to the success of a relationship - there's just no getting around that.
As for your other questions: If you don't want to date this guy, then don't date him. Be firm and don't be manipulated into giving reasns why. Because you "don't want to" is the only reason you need to provide, and it's the only answer that he can't get around.
"how do i tell her that i think he is a looser & i do not want to date him without hurting her feelings." Well, you can't tell her that about her son without huuting her feelings, and why would you even consider telling her that? Just tell her you don't want to - period. If she presses, keep giving her the same answer and ask her to stop pressuring you.
Don't worry about his daughter becoming attached to you because she has contact with you when she's with your friend. It's not the same thing as becoming attached to you because you are a mother figure dating her father - which isn't happening.
Tell all concerned that you don't want to date him and the subject is closed. You have to be firm, and you may have to express your annoyance if they continue to badger you, but so be it. A real friend would respect your wishes.