should I dump him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2006
should I dump him?
7
Sun, 12-31-2006 - 2:07am
I don't know what the deal is with this guy I am dating. A few weeks ago we were supposed to go on a date and he stood me up. Furthermore, he never called me for three days. He said it was because his daughter from a previous relationship was sick. As I am a single mother I understood and told him that I forgave him but that in the future he should always call. Everything since then has been going great, we can talk for forever, we have physical chemistry plus he is very thoughtful, he pulls out my chair for me, etc. However, last night was horrible. He shows up late, he is grumpy and tense. I cooked him dinner cuz he hadn't eaten, I tried to do everything I could to make him relax and he was a jerk to me the whole night. We have been dating for a little over two months and while we are exclusive he still doesn't call me his girlfriend. He says he will ask me when he is ready and that he only asks a girl to be his girlfriend if he can see it getting serious. As well, he refuses to spend the night, he is willing to have sex but always comes up with an excuse as to why he can't sleep over. We have only been intimate for 2 weeks yet there is always a reason. Either he has to get up early the next day or he didn't bring a change of clothes, etc. I think it is just lame and if he wanted to stay then he would. He ended up leaving really early and he was in such a hurry he pratically ran. After the date from hell yesterday, he never even called me today or anything. We are supposed to go out to a pub for New Years tomorrow and I really want it to go well but I don't really know what to expect. I am still mad because of how he treated me on Friday. Should I forgive him again and let it go or should I voice my displeasure? On the other hand he invited me to go on a ski trip in two weeks with him. I just feel like I am getting all these mixed messages from him and I am not sure whether he is worth sticking around for. WHat do you think?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005
Sun, 12-31-2006 - 8:37am

Well if it were me I don't think I would be sticking around. You have only been dating him for 2 months and he's already treating you this poorly?

There is no excuse EVER to stand anyone up. With this day in age of cell phones, regular phones, text messaging, email there are such numerous ways to contact someone that there is NO REASON someone should stand someone up. It's disrespectful of your time.

Then you forgive him because he used his kid as an excuse. So he comes over your house LATE last night and he's in a pissy mood. But your nice, you cook him some dinner because he hadn't eaten and the thanks you by being a jerk to you all night and won't sleep over making you feel kind of like he should leave some money on a nightstand.

Listen I'm no expert but in the first 4 months of a relationship is usually when things are great and lovely, it's when they are at their best. 2 months into it this guy is already treating you poorly and your forgiving him for standing you.

There are plenty of guys out there that will pull your chair out there for you and NEVER think of standing you up. I would move on. But if you want to give him more of a chance you can. I just see a lot of red flags here. Good luck.

Smile,

Deirdre

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 12-31-2006 - 11:34am

It sounds to me like there's someone else in the picture. But whether or not that's the case, if he's not treating you the way you want to be treated overall, then yes, you should break things off.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Sun, 12-31-2006 - 5:01pm

I think you should just let him go. The initial red flag, and deal breaker if you ask me, was the stand up. That's unacceptable under any circumstances other than a car accident or some other completely unforseen event. You are absolutely correct in that he is making a whole lot of lame excuses and just being a jerk. And seeing as how the first several months of dating, people are usually on their BEST behavior, can you imagine how much worse this is going to get!??

Get rid of this clown. He's not worth your time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Mon, 01-01-2007 - 1:12pm
I would have dumped him on NYE and made other plans. 2 months of being steady is the right time for you to become his GF. You are acting like a girlfriend but he is not acting like a boyfriend. IMHO, you are setting yourself up for heart break. Leave him and see if he changes and begs you to take him back if he does not you did not loose much!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Tue, 01-02-2007 - 7:09pm
Absolutely! n/t
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2006
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 1:54pm

I would throw this one back and let him grow (to use a fishing term). You gave him a second chance after he stood you up and he has proven he is not worthy of you. My standard line for these situations is "I don't think we do relatonships in the same way" If he asks why, tell him those things that bothered you and that you want to be with someone you are more compatible with.

Good luck,
YG

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 9:17pm
You need to set the boundaries now of how you expect to be treated and if he can't do it then you should get out before you get really attached.
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