Back in the game at 30 and CONFUSED!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2003
Back in the game at 30 and CONFUSED!
4
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 12:06am

In july last year, my fiance and I broke up after close to 6 years...but this is not what I am asking help about, yet it might be part of the problem. In september, I contacted my college crush. Him and I had met before I met my ex. We were first good friends and we made out only ONE TIme, after which he told me he did not want to be in a relationship. Several years later,after I had met my ex, he expressed regrets about not having taken the chance he had with me. He moved to MA, and four years passed.During that time, he periodically emailed me.(just once or twice a year, with a little hello or for my Bday)After the initial call this past september we spoke several times and set up a get together, with some of my friends who were meeting at a bar close to him. The meeting was a bit awkward but went well overall. We kept on calling each other after that. We spoke about me getting over my ex and my future dating life. He advised me to stay single for a while. He admitted in no longer being interested in dating, but looking for "THE ONE". (he is getting a Phd in the spring)

10 days ago, I had a party at my house with some close friends and invited him. He walked in as handsome as always, and our connection was this time immediate. The evening went well, but after a couple of drinks, keeping my hands off became a challenge. Nothing happened, but I was very affectionate with him (holding his hand...). He seemed to enjoy the night. Yet, 10 days have now passed since I last heard from him. He did send me a text message on christmas day, but did not return my calls, one of which was a new year invitation. WHAT HAPPENED? I am 30, and returning in the game and I am really confused. I am not trying to get back in a relationship right away, but I am done with my ex, and there is no turning back. I am ready to date, but this guy really confuses me and I cannot get this story out of my head. Was I too aggressive? Should I just forget about him? Part of me wants to send him an email asking for an explanation but I also have pride and I know I might be better off letting this go...yet I have to admit...I really like this guy, and always have...WHAT TO DO??????

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 5:37am

Hi and welcome to the board...


I'm a bit confused. Exactly what would you want to confront him about? You held hands at a party, is there something more that happened that you're not sharing? He's expressed regret but maybe he doesn't have enough regret to get into something with you.


Is there something else that is leading you to believe that this man is interested in more than being a friend with you? If so, please share. Otherwise I'd leave it at being friends and remove the expectations from the relationship.


Hope this helps.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2003
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 10:43am
Well, no nothing else has happened outside of a night we spent together making out, before my relationship. What I am upset about is his silence. Even as a friend, I am not getting why all the sudden he is not returning my calls. I feel like I did something wrong. I cannot stop playing back that night at my house, the embrasse he gave me and the connection we had, and yet, no phone calls...
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2006
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 1:42pm

I think what you are experiencing is that you have feelings that are much stronger for him than his are for you. He may not see you as the "the One" unfortunately. Stop calling, emailing, texting etc. and give him a chance to come to you. If he does not, then you know that he is not interested.

good luck,
YG

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2003
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 2:42pm
Thanks for getting back to me...I think I am going to follow this advice.