What does this mean?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2004
What does this mean?
3
Sun, 01-07-2007 - 11:06pm
I have been dating this guy for a few weeks. Things have been going pretty well, except for some minor problems with his ex girlfriend still calling and messaging him. We see each other almost every day, we hang out with his friends, and we have slept together. He says that he really likes me and loves spending time with me. However, he says that he wants to take things slow??? How can you slow this down? He doesn't want things to change but for some reason he doesn't want to think of us as in a relationship. I told him that maybe I needed to step back for a while till him and his ex girlfriend worked things out and everything was back to normal, but he said he didn't want to do that. (He and his ex have been broken up for two months and dated for five months) I am so confused. So, I decided that while he was trying to decide what he wanted, I would date other people. He was very shocked and said he liked to think that he was the only person I was seeing. He says that I am the only one he is seeing...so I may be wrong, but isn't this a relationship??? I don't know what to do. I don't understand where he is coming from. Please help me to understand or to decide what I need to do.. Thanks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 1:18am

IMHO, you have all the right to date other people if he's not able and willing to provide you with what you want and need ...a relationship. By casually dating this guy you're providing him with all what he needs: friendship and sex for now. That's why he doesn't want to "think of us" as a cople. He appears to still be involved with his ex and he may go back to her. If she's texting and such then he's not told her yet that he's seeing you. OR maybe he's told her that he's seeing you, but that it's not serious.

Weight it all out and decide what's best for YOU. It apears that his shocking reaction to your logical reasoning has made it clear that he's thinking in his needs and in yours.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 1:23am

I think he's being disingenuous. You can't "go slow" and have sex at the same time! He's hoping you'll be ok with basically having casual sex and that's not cool.

Having read your post on the other board about his continued involvement with his ex and why, I really think the best thing you can do is to break things off with him and let him know that if he gets that situation straightened out, he can call you. But I wouldn't hold my breath if I were you!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2006
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 11:13am

Figure out what you want and then talk with him and see if he can accomdate that or if you two even want the same things. If he can not then you need to move on. It sounds like he may not be finished with his issues with the ex and you have to decide if you want to be involved with someone with lingering issues with an ex.

YG