Confused. Would you feel the same way?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2006
Confused. Would you feel the same way?
23
Sat, 01-20-2007 - 1:25pm

I've posted about this guy a few times already. I've started to date him more regularly this past month. Hes the guy who I've known for about a year. I dated him a couple of times before. He disappeared and started calling again 7 months later. I posted about him about a week ago about moving too fast or not.

Anyhow, this is my latest confusion. Hes so unpredictable, I thought I was getting used to his unpredictability. I called him last Monday to make sure we have a date this Friday (yesterday). He confirmed yes and that he will call earlier. Yesterday around 7:30pm I called him because he still hadn't called. He said he would be ready around 10pm because he just got in and had to do some stuff. He also said he can't stay out late because he had to get up early. I asked if he would like to reschedule our date. So we agreed I'd meet him downtown to watch a movie.

After the movie at 12:30 at night, I asked if he was free next weekend. He will be out of town, which was fine. But then he goes - I don't really have to get up too early tomorrow (9am), and that we could do something, and he could follow me back to my home....

I felt a little put out. We were right downtown and everything was open. He didn't suggest a coffee or a bite to eat. I thought it was crazy for him to drive out to my place when he said earlier he can't stay out late. And we were right downtown already.

When I didn't confirm him coming back to my place (I just said - you really want to drive all that way?), he hemmed and hawwed about what else we can do. I was put out because we decided to do something downtown (where he lives) because he said he didn't have much time to spend out. But now, he wants to come back to my place which is in the suburbs. I didn't get upset at him. I just said - lets just leave it at this and when he gets back next week to call me.

Would you feel a little put out? Am I being selfish? I've dated him twice before a year ago, but recently, yesterday was only our 3rd date since we started dating again. Last week, I know he wanted more than just kissing. But I feel I don't really know what his intentions are to give him more.

I am confused. Would you be confused?




Edited 1/20/2007 1:27 pm ET by reggielicious

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 01-20-2007 - 1:38pm

No, I wouldn't be confused. I'd feel very sure that this man was looking for sex and not much more.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2006
Sat, 01-20-2007 - 1:45pm
The thing is I really like this guy (I don't know why). Maybe its because I've known him a while now and I feel comfortable around him. I know in the back of my mind he is not the commitment type. But I am drawn to him and when he calls, I can't say no. :(.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2007
Sat, 01-20-2007 - 1:50pm
You don't have to take my advice, but I've been there, done that..and that situation sounds like a "booty call." I've known several men who stick around for awhile, get what they want, and disappear. Before you know it, their back again. If he really cared for you, I think that he would make more of an effort towards the relationship, which it doesn't sound like what he's looking for. I'd make him suggest the next date, and just lay off for awhile, see if he calls you to do something. Good Luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2007
Sat, 01-20-2007 - 1:50pm
It sounded he wanted a booty call good for you for not giving in to that and yes he sounds very confusing he needs to show you how he really feels and show some apprecation your way if he does not improve move on to someone else to date !

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2006
Sat, 01-20-2007 - 1:56pm

Its just recently I started suggesting next weeks dates. Because he has become more consistent in dating me. I only called him this week to confirm because I have become used to his unpredictability and I wanted to make sure that the date was on Friday.

I don't mind going out of my way for a date or to try and make a relationship work. I was starting to think maybe I'm too fussy and straight-laced because I like to know whats going on in advance and to know that the person is into me before getting intimate. I have no problem being intimate with a person soon as long as I know he is sincere about me. But with him, I have never dated anyone like him who just calls out of the blue at wierd times to go out.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 01-20-2007 - 2:12pm

That's not fussy and straight-laced, it's called having self-respect.

The only thing this guy is sincere about is his desire to sleep with you.

You're the only one putting in any effort into anything other than having sex here. It needs to be a two-way street.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Sat, 01-20-2007 - 8:01pm
From outside looking in, it doesn't seem too confusing, he wants sex. He'll try to make you a convenient stop after work, late like 10 pm, if you let him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Sat, 01-20-2007 - 8:03pm
He is not being "unpredictable". He is trying to make sure that you don't feel as though you have a steady situation with him so he can call you out of blue and maybe get a little sex without having to invest in dating each week, the expected saturday nights, holidays, etc.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2006
Sat, 02-03-2007 - 9:25am

Just an update on my situation...

This was the weekend he was supposed to call me...he never did. I sort've had a feeling he wouldn't call. I guess it was a good test for me when I threw out the offer for him to call me when he gets back. It hurts but I knew you guys were right (and I knew it too but I was trying to make excuses).

He will probably call me down the road but this was the last straw for me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Sat, 02-03-2007 - 6:53pm
The good news is that the only thing you really lost was a jerk who just wanted to get some quick sex. I know it hurts to feel that someone didn't see the value of "you" and just wanted to use you. But he is a waste of your time and your tears. Unfortunately, there are too many men who do not come straight out and say, "I'm looking for something convenient and just physical. If that is what you are into then call me." I think that men know that they would catch alot of flack for saying that, but then again, they also it would be a much more efficient use of their time.

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