Help please! (kinda long, i'm sorry!)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2005
Help please! (kinda long, i'm sorry!)
3
Thu, 01-25-2007 - 3:51pm
Hey y'all! I have a quick question, and I'm in need of a little advice! Here's the story... (keep in mind that I'm in college)
I have a 'guy friend' who I was attracted to, but I didn't think he felt the same way back. And I was fine just remaining friends with him because we have a lot of fun together. The other night, I was really nervous about something the next day, and at 4 AM, I got online only to find him online as well... He proceeded to call me to ask why I was up so late, yada yada yada. 15 minutes later he shows up at my dorm to just chill with me b/c there was no way I was going to sleep on such a nervous stomach. (and he brought ben and jerry's!!!) ok, getting to the point... later that night he kissed me! Totally shocking me, but I melted. We have talked about it since then, and he told me that he could see us being in a 'long term' relationship (don't know what long term means to him though) but that the timing wasn't good for him. He is the president of his frat and with pledging going on right now, he has to give all his attention to them. He told me that he wants to have a relationship in a few weeks/months when everything dies down, but only when he can give me the attention that I 'deserve'. (those were his words) I can wait, but I am attracted to him and will continue to be. So do I still flirt with him? Pretend it never happened and wait? I'm confused! And, if I do decide to keep flirting with him, I don't want to come on too strong and be pesky. What's your advice? Should I flirt enough to keep him interested but then slowly back away and play the 'hard to get' route? And what do you think about the whole waiting thing... Is he bs-ing me? Thanks for any advice or opinions that come back!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2007
Thu, 01-25-2007 - 7:22pm
It sounds to me that he is in to you and he wants to be able to give you some full attention so keep on flirting and when he is ready he will let you know good luck to you and have fun !

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Thu, 01-25-2007 - 11:56pm

I don't know. I disagree. To me it sounds like a set up and line for a no-strings-attached fling. "I don't have time NOW but I can see us together in several months from now. But while we wait, let's have a roll in the hay!" This way he can eventually say "Well I TOLD you I wasn't ready for anything!"

Who is so busy that they can't date? I doubt even HE is. I'm sorry - I just don't buy it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-1999
Sat, 01-27-2007 - 12:08am
I'd just go on being his friend for now. He may really mean it when he says he'd like to date you in a few weeks or a few months, but a lot can happen in that time period. Even if he is being honest, it's no guarantee that he'll be around. I don't think you should put your life on hold waiting for him or anything. Stay busy with other stuff for now, and if another guy that catches your interest comes along feel perfectly free to pursue it. I think it's fine to flirt with the current guy if you want to. It'd be strange to act like nothing was said or happened when it has. I just wouldn't devote too much time or energy to him towards worrying about him. I'd also be cautious and avoid getting physically intimate with him as long as he's not available in case he is bs-ing you. You don't want to start getting attached and then find out that he never wanted a relationship.