Guy I'm Dating Won't Commit

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2007
Guy I'm Dating Won't Commit
2
Sat, 01-27-2007 - 2:41pm

I've been dating this 26 year old guy for a little over two months now and he's made it clear that he wants to be exclusive and doesnt want me seeing other guys...but we're still not calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend!

some background: He's 26 and i'm almost 19...he's a pretty strict christian...he's still a virgin, I am not. A year ago he was engaged to a woman..but then broke it off because he wanted to focus on his music career but she wouldnt allow it, thus the breakup. And I know he's not the type to just fall into the girlfriend/boyfriend title because I remember him telling me that after about a month of dating his ex fiance he sat her down and asked her to be his girlfriend...she said no but they kept seeing each other, then later he asked again and she said yes.

He knows I want to be in a committed relationship with him...i've mentioned to him several times that I want to be with him. Isnt 2 months a little long to not be calling each other boyfriend/girlfriend? We really like each other and see each other almost every day. I know theres a few things that he hesitates about, like the fact that im 8 years younger than him..and i'm not a virgin he is (he doesnt seem to think that I can deal without sex and I CAN). But in the end he seems to get past all of these things and want to be with me...but being with me isnt enough, I NEED that boyfriend/girlfriend title. I've talked to several people and some have told me to wait it out, i do my thing he does his thing. And some people tell me "sh*t or get off the pot" if he's not going to make things official dont waste your time. But I really like him! And i've tried to break things off a couple times because it sucks getting strung along but he hasnt really let me..he always begs me not to and we end up staying together!

Anyway, I really need advice on what to do with this relationship, i'm at my breaking point here, it's totally eating me. I'm so tired of games..this is why i'm with an older man..so the games are somewhat less. PLEASE HELP! I need to be told what to do with this, i just cant figure it out on my own. Thanks :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2007
Sat, 01-27-2007 - 5:30pm

Hey GF

I can sorta relate for my current guy doesnt call me his girlfriend either until one day we met his friends and out of the blue he introduced me as his girlfriend I was quite surprise that he said it as for him not giving you the title he sounds like he cares about you as a girlfriend and he treats you like one he hasn't said it yet and it sounds like before you 2 met he got burnt on love not that is an excuse but I say give him time as long as he treats you with love and respect what more could you want in a guy and I agree with your nick LOL

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 01-28-2007 - 12:10pm

datingcansuck...

First...Pianoguy thinks your ivillage 'user name' is how most visitors to this board feel at one time or another!

But there are definitely red flags in your relationship!

1. A 26-year old man who professes to be a strict Christian is in no position to make demands of a 19-year old girl---who may or may not believe in Christianity to the same extent!

2. You've only been dating him for 2-3 months...and you want the title of GIRLFRIEND? Have you seriously thought this out? Especially when it involves the possibility of making a lifelong commitment? Do you honestly think you're ready at the age of 19???

3. What makes you think he's going to put his music career ON HOLD for you? Can you play 2nd fiddle if he doesn't?

4. Don't you have a few "career desires" of your own?

5. If you feel that your relationship with this..err.."mature musician" is just a game...END IT NOW! You're under no obligation to 'play the tune' that he wants you to play-------and vice versa!

Pianoguy