I think he's afraid of me!!
Find a Conversation
| Sun, 01-28-2007 - 3:13am |
There's a guy in my office that I had a fling with about a yr and a half ago. I had and still have a huge crush on him. He practically ignored me after it happened and I could tell he was really nervous. I am unable to tell if he's still completely ignoring me because he could care less about me or if he is nervous as hell because he's still attracted to me. At the time I was married, which really scared the heck out of him. I am now in the process of ending my marriage, which he just found out about through a guy in the office. I know there are some legitimate reasons for him to ignore me (being coworkers, me being married), but it's been forever and he is acting like a little kid. He has never been married and I've heard that he hasn't had a lot of relationships either. This guy is in his 40's. Our mutual male coworker thinks his behavior might mean he's afraid of me and doesn't know how to act because he's still attracted.
He'll do things like: stall if he ends up starting to walk out of the building right behind me, thinking I didn't see him, and then go out the same door a minute later thinking I'm gone, suddenly in a conversation on his cell phone. He'll come out of the break room and then stop at the copy machine to start a conversation with someone just to avoid going right by me. I'll be talking to someone right by the door to the restroom and he will go by us to the restroom and then take the "back way" to not have to walk by me, I'll see him go in the other door on the other side of the office a minute later. It seems to me that if you not attracted to someone you would just be like "hey" and not care what the person thought. I would really like to engage in conversation with this man and go out with him but don't want to force myself on him and risk feeling stupid. A friend suggested I send him an anonymous "gator head" with a note attached that reads, "I don't bite.... Unless you want me to." I know he'll know it's me. Would this do more harm than good? I definitely plan on leaving my company soon and feel I have been hanging on waiting for something to "happen" with this man. I don't want to end up never seeing him again. Am I wasting my time?

sherbroth...
PG doesn't want to accuse you of being A STALKER...but from what you've described about yourself and the earlier relationship...
.....maybe YOU ARE?
Would you please leave this man alone???
Stop fantasizing about "searching for a substitute" now that your marriage is ending?
I'm sure there are several other 'willing candidates' out there aside from your co-worker!
Pianoguy
Thanks for the input, Pianoguy. I know you're only trying to help, but I am definitely not a stalker. It's hard to convey everything in a message board without droaning on and on, so you didn't know everything there was to know.
Anyway, the only reason I'm still thinking about the guy is because I have to see him everyday. He sits a row over from me and I can hear him joking around all day with his male cohorts. I only tried to contact him via email a few times and I called him once, a month or so after our fling. He replied back and acted interested in getting together at one point and then chickened out. That was a long time ago. His only good friend in the office thinks he may be acting the way he is because he doesn't know what to do. It's not like he always ignores me. He'll talk to me when he sees me in the break room and ask me how my vacation was, etc. These other things were just observations I made because I happened to notice him. If I genuinely felt that he was avoiding me because he thought I was a stalker chick I would lay off. I actually never try to initiate conversation with him, ever, unless I run into him. I never call him or email him. I'm just a bit obsessed because the issue was never really fully resolved.
I am not trying to find a "substitute" because of my marriage ending. I would like this guy no matter what (and I don't fall for guys that easily). I just like him because he's funny as hell and an independent spirit. By the way, he started the whole thing initially by constantly staring at me and then coming to every happy hour event, sitting with me for hours and talking. He actually seemed more freaked out that he would lose his job or get in trouble with my husband after we got together. I think this is why he was ignoring me.
Ok, maybe the gator head/anonymous note is a bad idea. Maybe I should just try to act normal and friendly around the guy (but not too friendly) and see what happens.