if he likes me, why won't he call?
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if he likes me, why won't he call?
| Wed, 02-07-2007 - 12:28am |
i started dating this guy 2 weeks ago. we have lots of laughs and fun together when we hang out but i seem to be the one who is always calling him and asking him out. we did fool around after our 4th date but we still had alot of laughs. i know he is really shy but why do i feel like i'm the one who has to call him or ask him to hang out? if he is interested in me like he says he is, how long will it take him to call me and ask me out? am i wasting my time?

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There are a few different possibilities. One is that he's really not all that interested but willing to go along for the ride as long as you keep calling him. He may be saying he's interested because he feels put on the spot when you say it or ask him about it. Or he could just mean he's interested as in he doesn't really mind if you want to keep calling him. The other possibility is that he really is interested in you enough that he would make the effort to call. However, because you keep calling him, he doesn't feel he has to. He may think you even prefer to be the one always calling since you keep doing it. The only way you'll find out what's really happening is if you stop calling and see what happens. The longer you wait, the more he will rely on you always being the one to call and ask him out and the harder it will be to break the pattern.
I think it would also be a good idea for you to focus on meeting new people in your area. It'll help you keep your mind off of him, and it's also good to have friends where you're living. Maybe there are some classes or organizations that you could join. If you want to work out, you could consider joining a gym and meet people through that. If you have a job or friends or relatives in the area, then those are other avenues to meet people. It's never easy when you move to a new city, but it's good to build up that social network.
If he likes you, he *will* call you. The key is to have *patience*.
There are a few *potential* reasons he might not be calling you. The one that sucks is if he isn't really interested. The one that doesn't suck is if he is very interested, and therefore very concerned about what you think, meaning that he does not want to appear desperate and over-eager. Girls seem to more often have no problem appearing desperate than guys do. Just because something is common doesn't mean that it's good. Play a little harder to get. I'm not saying you have to act like someone you are not, just that you should keep your self in check.
One thing that helps me is to mark on my calendar when I gave him my number or last saw him. I give him 3 days after that, and mark down "Last Chance for (insert name here)!" And that helps. It gives me a reminder that I am a young woman in demand. I am not desperate. He has his chance, he has my number, and it's his loss if he blows it.
Whatever you do, don't make the moves any more. Him being shy is adorable (I like shy guys too) but will get old after a while. No one is "shy" all of the time, especially not when they like someone and know that it is a mutual feeling. And especially not when you get closer to someone and get to know them. That's when it is natural to start opening up. He will break out of his shell if you give him the time and space to hatch :D So just wait for him to make the moves and the phone calls and the plans. It's not easy but you can do it, and when you do, you and he will both be glad you did! Later on, if you two become more serious, plan making and call making, etc, will become more of a shared task, because the pursuit stage will have trailed off. But at this stage in the relationship, face it, there are natural roles to play, and they exist for a reason. Some people don't think so, but it works, try it, you'll see! Have fun!
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