if he likes me, why won't he call?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2007
if he likes me, why won't he call?
11
Wed, 02-07-2007 - 12:28am
i started dating this guy 2 weeks ago. we have lots of laughs and fun together when we hang out but i seem to be the one who is always calling him and asking him out. we did fool around after our 4th date but we still had alot of laughs. i know he is really shy but why do i feel like i'm the one who has to call him or ask him to hang out? if he is interested in me like he says he is, how long will it take him to call me and ask me out? am i wasting my time?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2007
Wed, 02-07-2007 - 12:35am
How long have you waited for him to call before you break down and call him? Guys like it when you have a life outside of them, try to forget about him for a while and see how long it takes him to call you. If he likes you he will make an effort. What ever you do be strong and don't give in. Guys like a chase and if he can be lazy and expect your phone call then he will. In the meantime, go out with your girlfriends and see what other prospects are out there. You never know who you might meet. Don't put all your eggs in one basket. He could realize how good you are and give you a call in a week or so. Personally I wouldn't wait past two weeks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2007
Wed, 02-07-2007 - 1:38am
thanks for the comment. very true girl. us girls need to stick together. i guess my problem is i don't know too many people out here because i just moved out here so it makes things more difficult for me due to the fact i don't know anyone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-1999
Wed, 02-07-2007 - 9:19am

There are a few different possibilities. One is that he's really not all that interested but willing to go along for the ride as long as you keep calling him. He may be saying he's interested because he feels put on the spot when you say it or ask him about it. Or he could just mean he's interested as in he doesn't really mind if you want to keep calling him. The other possibility is that he really is interested in you enough that he would make the effort to call. However, because you keep calling him, he doesn't feel he has to. He may think you even prefer to be the one always calling since you keep doing it. The only way you'll find out what's really happening is if you stop calling and see what happens. The longer you wait, the more he will rely on you always being the one to call and ask him out and the harder it will be to break the pattern.

I think it would also be a good idea for you to focus on meeting new people in your area. It'll help you keep your mind off of him, and it's also good to have friends where you're living. Maybe there are some classes or organizations that you could join. If you want to work out, you could consider joining a gym and meet people through that. If you have a job or friends or relatives in the area, then those are other avenues to meet people. It's never easy when you move to a new city, but it's good to build up that social network.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Wed, 02-07-2007 - 12:12pm
Can you say, I really enjoy hanging out with you, but it would be great if you called next time to make the plans.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2007
Wed, 02-07-2007 - 3:03pm
i can try that. the only thing is i work so much that when i do have my weekends off, i hate waiting till the last minute to make plans. hes a last minute planner himself so i usually just ask him to see if he wants to hang out on saturday nite the day before.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2006
Wed, 02-07-2007 - 11:45pm

If he likes you, he *will* call you. The key is to have *patience*.

There are a few *potential* reasons he might not be calling you. The one that sucks is if he isn't really interested. The one that doesn't suck is if he is very interested, and therefore very concerned about what you think, meaning that he does not want to appear desperate and over-eager. Girls seem to more often have no problem appearing desperate than guys do. Just because something is common doesn't mean that it's good. Play a little harder to get. I'm not saying you have to act like someone you are not, just that you should keep your self in check.

One thing that helps me is to mark on my calendar when I gave him my number or last saw him. I give him 3 days after that, and mark down "Last Chance for (insert name here)!" And that helps. It gives me a reminder that I am a young woman in demand. I am not desperate. He has his chance, he has my number, and it's his loss if he blows it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2007
Thu, 02-08-2007 - 1:10am
i get it. i totally understand where you are coming from. i guess i'm a little confused because he has made it very clear with his words and actions but thats when we are together. i know he is EXTREMELY shy as well and thats what plays on my mind. i did chat with him on msn the other day. he contacted me but i was the one who asked to do something saturday nite. once again, do i call him saturday to see if the plans are a "go" or do i just ignore it and wait till he calls?! i'm not much for one to sit around waiting to see if hes going to call saturday to confirm, i'd probably call him that day to make sure we are doing something cuz if not, i'll just make other plans.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2006
Fri, 02-09-2007 - 3:36am
If I were you, I'd make some supercasual backup plans. See what your girlfriends are up to Saturday night, and tell them that you might be game if something else doesn't come up. If something else does come up (as in, he calls you) then you're good to go. If not, you aren't sitting at home by the phone all night wondering what the hell happened. I've been there and it sucks, you know? I think we've all been there at one time or another. :)
Whatever you do, don't make the moves any more. Him being shy is adorable (I like shy guys too) but will get old after a while. No one is "shy" all of the time, especially not when they like someone and know that it is a mutual feeling. And especially not when you get closer to someone and get to know them. That's when it is natural to start opening up. He will break out of his shell if you give him the time and space to hatch :D So just wait for him to make the moves and the phone calls and the plans. It's not easy but you can do it, and when you do, you and he will both be glad you did! Later on, if you two become more serious, plan making and call making, etc, will become more of a shared task, because the pursuit stage will have trailed off. But at this stage in the relationship, face it, there are natural roles to play, and they exist for a reason. Some people don't think so, but it works, try it, you'll see! Have fun!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2007
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 4:49pm
thanks for your reply. it all makes so much sense. i know for me when i want something, i want it now so i don't like waiting for him to call. i've only been dating him for a couple/few weeks but we always have a great time. i'm just the one who always seems to call him or ask him to do something. i assume he likes me because he has call display and he picks up when i call and we talk for an hour or 2. i also know he's shy but how long is one shy for? grrrr, boys frustrate me. lol. hopefully i'll settle down and back off and let him make the phone call next. i just think that if i don't call him, he might take a week to call me and by then i'll be kicking him to the curb. lol.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2006
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 6:26pm
You're right. If you wait for him to call and he takes a week (or more) you will be kicking him to the curb and better off for it! He may be nice, but he's not the only fish in the sea. I'm in the same position as you are, both being in a new city and even though it's tough I'm signing up for classes and other things to keep me busy. I think it will work out eventually.

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