15 yrs younger and 200 miles away!
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| Mon, 07-09-2007 - 8:05am |
Good morning all.
I am new to the boards and looking for some input please! Sorry if its looong but the background is important.....
I am a 37 yr old woman ( 38 in 2 weeks!) from South Jersey and just over 2 months ago met the man I truly think I was meant to be with. I never believed in the soulmate thing... but now?!?!?!?
I went away with some friends for a long weekend to a NASCAR race in VA. We were tailgating the day of the race and it poured all day. There was this group of guys about 3 trucks down from us who were getting soaked, I offered them some umbrellas, cause we had a tent. The politeley declined and we all chatted a bit. We went our seperate ways for a few hours and then the guys came back and we all stated grilling and drinking together. Fast forward a few hours, we all start the 2 mile walk to the track in the rain and Jared and I sort of split from the group and were talking. Now mind you , I am looking like a drowned rat! lol We get to the track and have to split up to find our seats, he says, maybe we will see you after the race, i told him to call me and took his phone and put my number in it. An hour later the race is cancelled & my friends and I walk back to my truck. We get there and Jared is sitting on my bumper waiting for me! We spent the next 2 hours sitting in the rain talking about anything and everything it was amazing, we eventually moved to the back of my Explorer just laying on blankets listening to music. about an hour before we left the track, age came up , I cant even remember how, I was blown away when he told me he was only 22! I would have never guessed he was younger than 29/30, he thought I was 30. Anyway we said goodbye with a hug and peck on the cheek and go off to our respective hotels. 3 hours later my cell rings its him, telling me they are not staying around for the race the next day, his friends want to go home to PA. he calls me atlest 5x the next day, Sunday. Its now Monday and he calls to say hi and see if I got home OK! Thsi starts off 3 weeks of him calling me every night,we have 4 and 5 hour phone calls ( thank God for IN calling on the cells! lol) Mind you , I did not call him once, it was al him!! Then on 6/1 he surprises me and calls that he is on his way to visit me for the weekend! I call out from work and we spent 4 days holed up in my house just talking, watching movies,laying around, giving each other backrubs n massages, having pillow fights and wrestling matches. It was so comfortable and perfect that it was scary! neither one of us made a move (sex wise), I didnt wanna seem like a pushy older woman lol Age comes up a few times jokingly but we blow it off and I am actually over my issue with it. He leaves, we are both miserable for the next week, then the age thing comes up, he is unsure if he can handle it, he is very very close to his family and religion and all he wants out of life is to be married and have children, I do also. He is very established in his life and career for someone his age, he is to good to be true. He confessed that before he made the 1st call to me that night he thought to himself, why am I calling this "woman" ( referring to the age thing) but couldnt stop himself. He commented that why couldnt he meet someone his age with my personality and character that also didnt live 200 miles away from him! I question myself too, why him, what does he see in me, he could have anyone he wants blah blah...I am just blown away that this guy is making all this effort to get to know me! its now 9 weeks since we met and I have not "seen" him in 4 weeks and am miserable. We call and txt all the time, well now its down from 7 days a week to 5 lol
I dont wanna pressure him but I need to know flat out if he wants to take this further and if he can handle the age difference! I am scared to just come out and ask him, I dont want to seem pushy and thats not like me, I am very open ( so is he thats one thing I love about him) but I find myself not being my normally flirty self lately for fear of seeming pushy, there is that word again , pushy, I know its all in my head.
HOW DO I ASK HIM?!?!?!?!?!?
I could write a book about the past 2 months, there is so much more, I am sorry! lol
Can anyone stop this freight train of confusion running thru my head?!?!?!?

"He commented that why couldnt he meet someone his age with my personality and character that also didnt live 200 miles away from him!" ---> this thought may be going through his head frequently and I'm sure you return the sentiment.
I'm sure at first you both had to give into your hearts and see each other and speak often and now...you both have to make a decision. You haven't seen each other in a month...are the feelings still the same for the both of you?
Practically speaking, he may want a younger woman for all of the reasons you mentioned, marriage, kids, parents, religion, etc.
I don't understand how he can be established in his life and career if he is only 22. He has a lot more growing and earning to do. Unless he is a millionaire I dont understand how a 22 year old can be established in his life.
I know that the emotional pull is tremendous and you probably dream of meeting a guy like this who is your age, but unfortunately you didn't. I am not good at guessing ages either so it makes sense how you both were mistaken by each other's ages initially.
You two definitely need to have a talk and don't worry about seeming pushy...this is your life.
You know you are right..... this is my life, I should not worry about being "pushy".
You are also correct about why he would want a younger woman, we have talked about the children issue already and how if we did get serious, in all practicality I would be 40 by the time we married and I tried to get pregnant and the obsticals that would accompany that with my age.The way I look at it yes, it may be more diffucult but there was no guarantee of the outcome if I was 22 either.
I know my feelings are the same, and by what he says I take it that his are also but I think its time that I come right out and ask.
Thanks for listening ; )
Stacy
1. At that age they can 'seem' mature and settled but this is just a good act and at that life stage they have a LOT of growing up and CHANGING ahead of them.
2. No matter what they say at that time 22 is just a child and later on he'll want kids believe me. Especially if he is religious and close to his family which bring me to
3. His family and peer group are likely to put pressure on him to find someone younger. I have yet to meet a mother who dances with joy at the thought of her son marrying or being in a serious relationship with a woman old enough to be his mother or near to that. If you were 50 and he 40 and say both divorced and done the kids and family bit that would be different but 22 he is hardly out of nappies!
Men that age can be very cute and charming not to mention better looking than older men who may be losing their looks but in the end as a rule family pressure and common sense prevails and the woman gets dumped and broken hearted.