Hurt and Confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2003
Hurt and Confused
1
Tue, 07-10-2007 - 4:58am

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year. Until just recently, things were going well. The past few months haven't been all that great. Several weeks ago, I had some issues that I wanted to discuss with him, and it took several days for him to agree to speak to me about these things. He is incredibly busy with owning his own business and working several other jobs, but he reluctantly agreed to speak to me stating that he doesn't like conflict and it was uncomfortable for him to be doing that. After that first serious talk, things seemed to be fine for a few weeks, but we ran into a few problems with communication just recently. From there everything has snowballed. He has most recently told me that he isn't in a hurry to get into a deep relationship, wants us to slow things down, and hasn't had a lot of time to himself lately. I asked for clarification on what he means by a "deep" relationship and slow things down, but I have yet to hear back from him.

I am just really confused and hurt right now, and I don't know what to think. I plan to give him sometime to think things through and go from there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Tue, 07-10-2007 - 7:20pm

You have been dating for over a year and your BF doesn't consider that a deep relationship? I can see why you are concerned.

If he cant make time to speak to you then it doesn't sound like he takes this relationship seriously.

You can wait all you want, but, if it were me I'd break up with him. I know I sound nonchalant about it but I don't feel nonchalant about it. I am not interested in men who want to downgrade relationships because they are busy. I know what he says puts fear in you but why not see it that way...that he doesn't hold your interest anymore? By taking a proactive position on this you win.

Okay because of how busy he is he needs time to himself. I can dig that.

But he obviously doesnt do well with stress to want to turn back time on the momentum of your relationship.

I know he said he is not in a hurry to get into a deep relationship. But what do you want? Never mind him and his schedule and his needs. You have to determine whether this man can give you what you want and love you the way you want to be loved. If he doesn't meet the criteria any longer there is no shame in moving on and hopefully up with your life.