Multiple men etiquette?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2007
Multiple men etiquette?
4
Fri, 07-13-2007 - 9:40pm

I'm curious on everyone's thoughts on dating multiple people at the same time.

I recently stopped dating someone, and am wanting to meet others to find a new interest, someone to capture my interest instead of the guy I just stopped dating. (This isn't a rebound thing, we were only dating a month.) So I posted on a couple of sites, updated my match.com profile, and for the past couple of days have been engaged in email conversations with 4 or 5 guys.

To protect myself from being hurt too much, I will assume that a guy is dating other women besides myself, until we agree on exclusivity. And I usually assume that if we're sleeping together, and if we haven't agreed on exclusivity, then he's probably having sex with other women too. (And yes, I'm always protected.)

I usually only date one guy at a time, but I am finding that I invest time and energy into one guy, and it doesn't work out, and I have to start all over with someone new and it's a whole lot of time wasted. In the interest of efficiency, and meeting people and having a great time, I'm going to try casual dating with multiple men.

If I end up meeting up with all these guys and they seem interesting, and if I might want to see them again and vice versa, then what assumptions can I make? About 6 years ago I was dating 2 guys at the same time. It was all very casual - no sex with either of them, just a few kisses. And I don't remember how one guy found out I was dating someone else, but he got so upset and I never heard from him again.

So here I am, unsure of what expectations are like in today's dating world. Oh, and I am not sure if it matters but I am 28 years old and these guys are anywhere from 25 to 36.

Thanks for any advice!

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-13-2007 - 9:46pm

A couple thoughts on what works for me:

1. Don't ask, don't tell--I always assume that we're both dating other people until we discuss it and agree to be exclusive, but I don't want to hear about it and I think it's tacky to tell. Of course if they ask, I am truthful but I still don't share details or talk about other dates.

2. Dating means exactly that-DATING. Sex without exclusivity is messy so it's better not to, at least that's what I find works best for me.

Also, IMO, if a guy freaks out because you're dating other people when you've never agreed to be exclusive, then that's not someone you want to be involved with, anyway.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Mon, 07-16-2007 - 11:54am

I think you're right - in this day and age until two people really start getting intimate (sometimes not even then) and/or start having conversations about exclusivity it is assumed each is dating another.


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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 07-23-2007 - 1:59pm
Bumping up for new poster.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2007
Mon, 07-23-2007 - 2:06pm
Thank you!