Should I tell him tonight?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2007
Should I tell him tonight?
5
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 2:06pm

Hello,

Here is my question for everybody. I am a biology graduate student at a large school, and I hang out with a wide variety of people. I've had a crush on one of the people in my little group who is a teacher, but one that is not in my area and whom I would never have for a class. We hang out all the time, mostly with the group but once in awhile just the two of us. He's only a few years older than me and we have a lot in common. I've been debating wheather or not I think he likes me for months now, he's been sending me mixed signals, and from some comments I've heard him say, I think that it makes him a little nervous that he's a teacher/I'm a student. Its totally legal, by the way, I've checked all the necessary handbooks. Anyway, I asked him yesterday if he was going to an event on Saturday, and he said he might be going out for dinner with someone then. Yikes! I never even got to tell him how I felt. It could be just a friend he's going with, I'm not sure. I'm beating myself up because I never told him how I feel. I've been hesitant because he's been hesitant, but at the same time, I feel like I'd at least like to say whats on my mind already incase he's feeling the same way. The dinner thing on saturday has given me the kick in the butt I think I needed to just take the chance already, but I don't want to destroy the friendship we have either. I was thinking of telling him tonight. If I don't, I know I'll always wonder.....what if?? Some advice, please? Its driving me up the wall. Thanks in advance.

Lucy

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 3:54pm

HEY GIRL...UNLESS HE IS A DUMB TEACHER, HE DID NOT TELL YOU THAT HE HAS PLANS WITH SOMEONE ELSE TO GIVE YOU THE IDEA THAT HE FEELS THE SAME WAY YOU DO. I BELIEVE THAT HE IS NOT TOTALLY CLUELESS ABOUT Y0UR FEELINGS. BE CAUTIOUS AND IF THINGS DON'T SEEM TO BE GOING IN THE DIRECTION YOU WOULD LIKE, THEN DON'T SPEND TOO MUCH TIME ON IT, THERE ARE TOO MANY FISH IN THE SEA. DO NOT TELL HIM ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS, IT JUST MIGHT COMPLICATE THINGS. UNLESS YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY SURE THAT HE IS NOT SEEING SOMEONE ALREADY.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 5:35pm
If this person he's meeting on saturday is actually a "date", then its brand new. I know he's been single for several months. I don't think I'm going to tell all later like I thought I was going to. I still am not sure what I think is the best thing to do yet though.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 5:50pm
Hon, if he were interested, he would have let you know.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 7:39pm
This might be reaching you too late this evening but, you can discreetly find out from him if this person is a date or a girlfriend by asking how the dinner went after the fact. Kind of like, "So, did you and your date? girlfriend? enjoy your evening?" Then he will clarify things for you. If you are determined to date him, then you can, in a playful like way make sure that he knows that you think he's attractive or a good catch or whatever term you like to use when you describe men and she is a lucky girl because if he wasn't dating someone you'd want to date him yourself. If it is done with confidence and a smile and playfulness you will not humiliate yourself. And it sends a definitive message to him that if things dont work out with this girl that you would like to date him. After that, I wouldn't try to interfere with any relationship he is in with another woman. I would let it go at that otherwise you could look desperate.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Sun, 07-22-2007 - 7:25am
Just ask him to join you to something casually at some point or for coffee or a bite - is there something you can ask him to help you with - i.e. putting up shelves, sharing his knowledge about his area of expertise?
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