Did I expect too much?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2005
Did I expect too much?
5
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 12:52pm
What do you guys think about this?
I met this guy nearly three months ago. After a few months of a crush, we finally talked to each other and exchanged numbers. We’d talk on the phone pretty frequently, nearly every other day…he was pretty upfront about the fact that he’s extra busy with his two jobs and his hobby of teaching karate. I thought to myself, “ok, I can appreciate a man with a full life…” He would always say that we needed to ‘connect’ and get together for dinner or a movie, but he’d NEVER make a definite plan. A few times, he’d call me on a day he had a few hours free and ask if I was available. I’m busy, too, and prefer at least a day’s notice to hang out. Also, I think there’s a lot to be said about a man who makes a plan to hang out (at least for the first date) as opposed to the last minute stuff. So, after three weeks, I suggest we meet for coffee…we did, and it was cool. After that, he still never asked me out. So, I stopped calling him as frequently because I figured he wasn’t really interested. A month’s gone by and we have not once been on a date that he initiated. I finally told him that, while I do like him (we have great conversations when we do talk), it seems like he’s just too busy to get to know me, or maybe it’s not important enough to him. His response, “So, that’s the conclusion you’ve come to…ok, well, good enough…” Some response, huh? No, “no, you’re wrong…I do want to get to know you…” Nothing like that.
It really does sting a bit, you know? I do like the guy; however, I don’t want to waste my time with someone who isn’t even making an effort to make time for me…
What do y’all think? Isn’t it obvious that this guy is “just not that into me”??? Or, did I expect too much?
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 1:11pm

No, not in a general sense, but obviously you expected too much from THIS guy, since he wasn't willing or able to make spending time with you a priority. I wouldn't have been happy with what he was offering either, though, FWIW, so I don't think you were being at all unreasonable.

I think I would have phrased it differently to him though--more like, I'm really looking for someone who has more time to spend with me so this isn't going to work for me.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 2:15pm
It looks like this guy is looking for a woman who will do all the work of dating and he doesn't have to extend himself. You didn't expect too much at all...but keep this experience in your mind the next time you meet someone with a packed schedule. You did the right thing in letting him go.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 10:34pm
You are not expecting too much.
,
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2007
Mon, 08-13-2007 - 2:56pm
Mali2579 - I'm sorry to say that, but have considered the fact that he may already be involved with someone? I have been in this situation and the fact that he cannot make any definite plans suggests that there is something else than work holding him back. My advice to you: run, believe me, this is not something you want to find out 2 years into the relationship.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2006
Mon, 08-13-2007 - 6:48pm

mali, I'll tell you how a man who is interested in you will treat you, he will want to be seeing you as much as he can. He will try to impress you and be at his most good behaviour. You will feel that he wants you. If you have the feel that he is not interested, you might be right.

This man shows no interest from what you have said. I'd look elsewhere.

Hope you find someone soon.