I've no clue!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2007
I've no clue!
5
Tue, 08-07-2007 - 4:22pm
Why he asked me such questions.............."Do you believe in marriage?"........."Is it important for you now to have a family?"
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Tue, 08-07-2007 - 9:32pm
Why not ask you those questions? He may want to make sure that he is dating someone who has similar long term goals as him...so he doesn't waste his time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2007
Wed, 08-08-2007 - 3:16pm

Thank you snafu2006!

Actually I did answer his questions! My answeres were................ I told him that I believe marriage is a nice thing if the couple genuinely love each other from the bottom of their heart. I believe marriage is a lifetime commitment and dedication not just during good times but bad times as well. Whether it's important for me now to have a family, I think it'd be rather important to find the right person than end up marrying the wrong person. I just intend to get married once in my lifetime, NOT twice or more, if I never meet the right person in my life, I'd rather remain single for the rest of my life.

Just curious, from an outsider or reader's perspective, what do you think about my answer? I'll certainly tell you his response later! Hope to hear from you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Wed, 08-08-2007 - 6:40pm

I think your answers were great. Are you concerned about how he perceives you?

I have been married twice. I never thought I would have ever been married more than once because when I married my first husband I married with the intention of being married to him forever. My second husband convinced me to marry even though I was perfectly content dating and living in my own apt. However, marriage made me physically ill...I mean gut ill. When I am dating, I'm usually okay. I was far more dedicated than both of my ex husbands combined.

On the one hand one should not stay married if one does not love his or her SO anymore...but nowadays people want out of a marriage with the slightest argument. Marriage isnt for the faint of heart but it does mean changing one's life in a very significant way so that you both agree on how to raise children, priorities, who from your single lives is still welcome at the married dinner table, how to save and spend money, do you have sex even if you are angry with each other, things like that...things that you dont talk about when you are lying in bed together after sex discussing but can be a critical item that could break the two of you up.

I dont *need* to experience marriage again, but I had hoped to be in a loving relationship one more time. I dont fall in love very often so that's why I said "one more time" - because that's a lot for me. And when I say "fall in love" - I dont mean infatuated or sexually smitten...that is not too hard to come by...even for a woman. When I say "love" I mean love..the type of love where you cant see ever being apart or without that person in your life from that day forward...of course...you would want to also be sexually smitten with the person too, hehe.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2007
Thu, 08-09-2007 - 3:17pm

Snafu2006, thank you for your sharing and reply. I do concern how he thought about me indeed. Actually, he asked me all those questions on the night of his birthday. After I gave him my answers, he got back to me the same night by e-mail though I checked & read it the next day. He told me that he once heard a song with the lyrics..........."I just want to live or survive without hurting anyone I love, be happy or unhappy, be alone or with someone else!"

My question is: Do you think he hold the same perspective like me? I mean although it was him asking me such questions, it seems like he didn't mention his perspective directly re: marriage / having a family? I didn't ask him back what exactly did he think as I reckoned if he wanted to tell, he would have said it already.

There were indeed another things he mentioned in the e-mail and I'll tell you more later on. Thank you for your precious time & hope to hear from you soon!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Thu, 08-09-2007 - 3:56pm
You are going to have to ask him what his thoughts are on the same subject matters if he didnt already share them with you. The lyrics/song doesn't ring a bell and I cant derive any meaning from it as it pertains to you.