Help: Accused of Causing Impotence
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| Thu, 08-09-2007 - 6:29pm |
My friend and I had a misunderstanding. It was a major misunderstanding concerning his manhood. We are both retired and widowed. When we first got together he experienced erection problems. So we haven't had sex. Not that we don't want too or that we did not try. Erection is a problem. He has major health issues, high blood pressure, prostate cancer (he takes injections for this every twelve to sixteen weeks), has had open heart surgery, and diabetic. I discussed this with my doctor and he says he maybe having problems because of his health issues and medication. Well, he agreed that for the last couple of months he was experiencing these problems.
All of these problems and he blames me because he can't penetrate. Face it! He is soft. The relationship has turned mentally and emotionally abusive. At first, it was painful and still is. But I began to stand up to him and sometimes it is better and sometimes it is not. Our relationship in the beginning was great. We did lots of nice things together and I really miss him.
The last straw was last Saturday. He blamed me and I just walked out. I have been gone almost two weeks now and I miss him so much. I haven't called him and he hasn't called me. I am not going to tolerate abuse in any form. He is 66 and I'm 64.
I love him very much. I want to call and say let talk. Since I was the one walking out. If he agrees what are some guidelines I need to put in place? I hope he is willing to step up to the bat and admit he is impotent. I think he is a sexy man regardless to this. Neither of us look our ages.
It is going to be difficult discussing impotence with a man that is impotent. I don't want to make the wrong approach. I don't want to play mind games, either. I respect him and I want him to respect me, which he does most of the time. I can set guidelines about showing respect, but how do I approach impotence?
Your ideas and suggestions are really really appreciated. Please respond especially about the erection thing.

I would insist that he get counseling for his issues before getting back together with him (although frankly I'm not sure I'd really consider it given what you've written--loving someone doesn't mean they are right for you and someone who abuses you mentally and emotionally cannot be right for you IMO).
Sheri
I agree with Sheri ...he needs counseling so he can deal with the stress and the depression that impotence causes in a man. If you feel that the abusive behavior he exhibited was because he was feeling defensive and angry with his body...and not because he is an abusive person in general...then maybe you can go with him to a therapy session or two.
I dont know anything about medically related impotence, especially in seniors. So you may have to talk to a doctor or other health care profession on how they treat that type of impotence. Maybe they treat the health care problem (diabetes) first and then the impotence or maybe they prescribe medication for the problem regardless.
I dont know how you approach the impotence, maybe that is something a counselor can share with you.
Yes, it is extremely likely that with all his health conditions that his ED is caused by this with added stress and has absolutely nothing to do with you.
That's what I like about these message boards. You might not get what you want to hear, but you do get good sound advice. You don't know how much I want to call him and say let's talk. I was just about to do that when I read these messages again. True I have done nothing to deserve this from him. This is a learning experience for me. I will never let another person put me down verbally or otherwise. I will not stand for abuse of any kind ever again.
To all who wrote me back. I am going to try to be strong. I admit I do want to go back, but I will have accomplished nothing. This is the second week and I haven't heard from him. I did call and tell him I want to come and get some things I left. My auto keys and garage door opener. He said I could come right over. I backed out. I told him I will let him know before I come. Right now I just don't feel it is a very good idea I am not strong enough. I have gotten stronger, but not as strong as I need to be. I plan to ask my brother to go and get my things.
Please continue to pray for me and send me you thoughts and opinions. Your messages have been very helpful
You're right, this isn't about you but about him and the way he feels about himself but yes he has no right to be abusive toward you.