How can we meet in the middle??
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| Sun, 08-19-2007 - 11:08pm |
Hello,
I have been with my boyfriend for 2 months. I am 26 and he's 22. Even though I usually wouldn't date a younger guy,he is very mature for his age,in that he knows what he wants out of life and had goals. We basially have the same personality and goals in life expect for a few things. I feel he treats me good and cares alot about me. However,there are a few issues I need help with.
For one,we have have a hard time being on the same level when it comes to money. This came up not too long after we started dating. He has told me that he would like the girl to help pay for dates,even if it's just paying the tip when we go out to eat. Which isn't so bad,but I was raised to be old-fashioned and was essentially "spoiled" in my past realtionships,in that I never had to pay for dated or anything,the guy would usually foot the bill and I never thought anything of it to offer to pay some. So the fact the he's telling me this feels demeaning to me. I am not a selfish person but i'm short on cash lately and he is trying to save money to get his own place. That being said,that isn't what bothers me the most. It is the fact that I feel i'm "bearing the brunt" of his ex girlfriend. He has told me that he dated her for 4 years,and he always payed for everything. He said she took advantage of him so ever since that relationship,he wants the girl to help pay for dates.
Another issue is the fact that I'm an outgoing person who likes to go out sometimes and have a couple drinks in a social setting,whereas he is a ladi-back person and doesn't enjoy the bar scene. He loves the outdoors(hunting,fishing,off-roading,camping) and I'm not a huge fan. He loves football and baseball and i'm not a fan at all.
How can we compromise so that we both are happy?
Ps. He is also about to become a police officer. Is there anyone or anyone who knows someone that has been in a relationship w/ a PO and how do you cope through not seeing them much,worrying if something happens to them,etc?

Have you talked to your boyfriend about this issue over money/paying?
While your BF may be mature for his age, he didn't handle that conversation very well. He shouldn't have told you what happened between he and his ex because now you are feeling as though you are bearing the brunt of her behavior. If he would have said something more along the lines of just stating that he feels it would be fair for the woman to pitch in you probably would still be a little put off because of how you were raised, but you wouldn't be as angry.
As far as your hobbies go..maybe you both can compromise where one time he goes out with you on the town and then you go to a ballgame with him. If both dont grow into each other somewhat eventually you may come to lead separate lives.