How Can I Be More Courageous?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2006
How Can I Be More Courageous?
1
Sat, 08-25-2007 - 12:28am

So a month ago I hung out with a guy at a weekend gettogether and we hit it off. We kissed and fell asleep together (no sex or anything). But we live on opposite sides of the country so we never got into an emotional discussion about each other. Since then he's called me once, we talked for a half hour about really general stuff. It's been about a week or so since. I know the next call has to be made by me... but here's my dilemma.

That weekend another girl met him (much younger than us). She mentioned he was cute to me, but I kind of insinuated that he and I were "talking". Anyway, she got to hang out with him a bit more than me because she was there a few days after the weekend and I pretty much left immediately. So anyway, she has already asked him about his past relationships and what he's looking for and such. She told me all this as a "friend". I barely know this girl myself. But she mentioned she's dating another guy and so I tried not to look into it. Anyway, so now a week later she tells me he mentioned he's thinking about coming to the city I live in (that she will be moving to shortly). He said that his guy friend from NY will be coming down too (they are very very close friends). Now I don't know if this is definite or in the works.

But in anycase, in our conversation he never mentioned this. I even teased him before I left the gettogether about him coming to my side of town and he said maybe if work ever allows it. So I didn't push the issue further. We just parted by saying keep in touch.

So I'm incredibly frustrated that this other girl is getting more insight into this guy. Maybe because she's less threatening.. as in he knows she isn't a source of pressure. I felt like if I asked about his romantic past and such that he would get weirded out because we did get somewhat intimate (kiss). So I'm frustrated. I don't know if I should be more courageous and talk to him about stuff like that or wait. Thing is, if this other girl wasn't in the mix I wouldn't feel it as much. But she tells me things about him that I feel like I can't talk to him about yet... so I'm just confused if I'm just being really slow!

His interest was evident during the weekend so I don't question that. It's just I don't know how far his interest goes. If I was just a fun weekend story or if there's potential for something a bit more than that. Also despite the fact that this girl has mentioned she's dating someone else, could it be that she's eye-ing the guy I'm trying to talk to as well!?




Edited 8/25/2007 12:35 am ET by teaqueennyc
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Sat, 08-25-2007 - 1:13am

I dont know if you want to get into a competition with this girl. He may be interested in this girl, whether she is dating someone or not. I usually walk away from those situations as competing for a man is kind of a low experience. No guy is worth a cat fight. She could be eyeing him for herself. I guess you couldnt' tell for sure based on your conversation with her.

Kisses dont usually mean anything to men so I would forget about those kisses you shared with him because if he got into that kind of detail with this other girl, and not you, then he may not be interested at this point in starting something with you.

But....if you would like to talk to this guy and ask more intimate questions...then do so. Sometimes men like curious women or women who ask the tough questions. One man I knew intimately advised me to always, "dare to be different". I remember that every time I changed my "look" he wanted to sleep with me, hehe.

Some men like women who do things their own way, and seem to differ from the rest of the pack. In other words, they dont have to try to be different, they just are..at least to that guy. So go for it, what have you got to lose?

Why do you feel you cant talk about those things with him? Talking about the weather isn't going to cut it. You gotta make it a little personal.