daughter back with loser boyfriend

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2007
daughter back with loser boyfriend
5
Mon, 08-27-2007 - 6:39pm
My 19 year old daughter got back with her 30 year old boyfriend, who doesn't have a pot to piss in. He rents a room from his landlord, he is a cook at a chain restaurant. He dressed like a 18 year old, oversized plain white/black tees, loose jeans, etc. He says he is going to go to school to become a chef or mechanic. If he has a brain he would go to school and get a job that provides health insurance. We have had this conversation and he agrees. So why isn't he doing anything. Can he really change? Is he too old to change? The first time they broke up was because they just wanted one another to be different/act a different way. My daughter wanted him to start dressing his age. He hasn't, but she says he will. WHEN??? He wanted, well it doesn't matter what he wanted. Do I just sit back and wait for the old him to come back? God I need advice. I would sell my soul to the devil to break them up. She deserves so much better and can do so much better. WHAT DO I DO???
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 08-28-2007 - 1:26pm

Hi michelee1017,


The more you try to break them up, the more she will cling to him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Tue, 08-28-2007 - 5:43pm

You know, my Mom ended up being so um, controlling, about my first very serious (and toatlly bad choice) relationship that I ended up marrying him and then divorcing

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Fri, 08-31-2007 - 12:48pm

Well the more you talk against him and beseech her to dump him the tighter she will cling to him. You need to come off as someone she can talk to, confide in, someone who approves of her, loves her, wants the best for her but won't try to force her to do everything you say.


Likely he will start showing his true colors again so sit back, be loving, supportive and someone she can turn to not rebel against

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2007
Fri, 08-31-2007 - 1:17pm
Thank you for your kind words. That's exactly what I am trying to do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2006
Sun, 09-09-2007 - 3:46am
She is 19--no relationships people have at 19 end up working out in the long-run (there are very rare exceptions, but I doubt this is one of them). One thing I have noticed about people who date losers is that they eventually realize they are dating a loser. The only exception to this is when the girl is a loser herself, and I'm sure your daughter is not a loser, just young and inexperienced in dating. Try not to worry about it and just let her learn on her own. When she finally learns her lesson, she will hopefully carry it with her and not repeat the same mistake.
~vanillabeanie