how much are you required to share?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2003
how much are you required to share?
6
Tue, 08-28-2007 - 9:50am
I'm just interested in people's thoughts on this... when you start dating someone, how much are you required to tell them about what's going on in your life? I started dating someone new this weekend and he asked me about my plans for the following weekend. I might have another date that weekend but I still really want to see him again. But we've only been out twice and I don't want to cancel my other date just yet as we haven't expressed any intentions of being exclusive of course. I'm probably just going to tell him I'm busy Friday but free Saturday. I've never dated two guys at once like that and it feels weird to me to juggle because I'm so used to focusing on only one relationship at a time- plus I know that I'd raise my eyebrows if I was dating someone and they couldn't see me on certain days because they had other dates. Thoughts?
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-28-2007 - 11:21am

Saying you have "plans" for Friday without being more specific is fine. I'm a big proponent of the "don't ask, don't tell" theory when it comes to dating more than one person at a time. Of course, if someone asks you whether you're dating other people, be honest, but there's no need to rub it in the guy's face or share any details.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Tue, 08-28-2007 - 7:41pm
Your situation is just one reason I usually dont date more than one guy at a time. If you say you have plans in a vague way, he might probe for more detail. Andif you dont reply in a normal way, he could get suspicious about what you are doing or assume you are closed and too guarded to share normal conversational items - thus a false rap. Likewise,it disqualifies you from probing about his activities. Since I am not experienced at this type of juggling, maybe some of the others on the board can be of more help.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Tue, 08-28-2007 - 10:42pm

<< I've never dated two guys at once like that and it feels weird to me to juggle because I'm so used to focusing on only one relationship at a time >>

... but, you're not juggling relationships. Youre dating two guys. Big difference! When you're 'just dating' ... it should be assumed that your dating others and so is he. Nothing to feel bad about.

Actually, its smart! Because, if your not keeping your options open ... you'll only be limiting yourself.

You should definitely keep your prior plans. All this guy needs to know is that you already have plans for Friday. Which is the complete truth. Two dates does not = complete availability. It should be assumed that you have might have other plans. ;-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2006
Wed, 08-29-2007 - 12:35pm

I think there's very little you are required to tell someone about your life when you've just started dating.

Jilly

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2007
Wed, 08-29-2007 - 1:41pm

Hey!
I am going through the exact same thing (please read my post "Can I do it?").
It can be challenging to date multiple people at the same time....my logical mind says what some others have said in response to your post: if you're "just dating" then there's no reason to feel bad, guilty, or like you have to divulge. Of course, if you like both people, you know that eyebrows may be raised if they know you're dating other people. At the same time, unless you've confirmed exclusivity, then they should expect that you may be seeing others....it's a lot of stuff to think about. So, I'm sure I haven't helped any, especially since I'm asking the same question in my post...LOL.
I will say this: if either of them asks, be honest. No need to lie. I wouldn't volunteer any information, though, announcing that you're dating others. No need to do that.

Good luck!
Rive

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Fri, 08-31-2007 - 12:29pm
At this point there is no reason to give him any exact details.
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