Update on rusty at dating....

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2007
Update on rusty at dating....
6
Tue, 08-28-2007 - 12:19pm
Here is an update on my last post..Rusty on Dating...
He did contact me after his finals were over, of course I thought I could do the no strings attached, just distance myself from my feelings. So, I saw him and again and I do not know what came over me (I think I had drank alittle too much wine)But I went to his apartment and climbed in the bed with him, we had sex and it was nice. It was not or did not feel like just a one time thing, ya know. Felt natural I guess is what I am trying to say. Anyways, he was leaving in a couple of days to go to Denver for the following week. So I did not hear form him at all while he was gone which was not surprising. But yesterday, I get an email from him letting me know that he was back in town. So we email each other off and on all day. He calls me when he gets out of class, I took him dinner that I had cooked. We sat there and talked, I asked questions and he asked as well. The sad thing is, we start kissing and next thing I know we are on the floor. Afterwards, he talks about his sexual performance was not up to parr. I tried to reassure him, because evendentally I am attracted to this guy. We talked alittle more, then I left to go home because I know he was tired and sounded terrible. I have talked to him a couple of times to day, but just about work. He did ask me how I was doing, but that is about it. I am confused, because I really like this guy and I don't want to be pushy and needy. But in the mean-time, I feel depressed (plus my ex called this morning and made me cry, so that does not help). I don't know what to do, again I am not looking for a relationship but heck I don't know what I am wanting from him. I like it the way it is, but then again I am caring loving person and I guess I just want to know that I am liked back.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-28-2007 - 12:26pm

You're too vulnerable right now to be in a booty call/FWB situation and that's what this is looking like. He may well "like" you but it seems this is primarily about sex.

I think it's best for you to focus on your healing (and WHY are you talking to your ex???) and not be involved with anyone right now. As a rule, women need to be in a really, really super strong, confident space to be able to handle something casual and you're not right now.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2007
Tue, 08-28-2007 - 12:47pm
I know I need to heal, that is clear. I guess that is why I like this guy, he is nt all clingy and has he life going on. Any my ex still tries to control me even though we are no longer together. I try not to talk to him because he does get me so upset, but I still have things at his house where we once lived together at. So what are the first steps to healing, how do I do that? I know that sounds pathetic but I haven't been in this situation before.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-28-2007 - 1:13pm

It takes 3 things to get over someone: time, no contact and acceptance that it's over and that the two of you aren't right for each other. Right now you need to focus on no contact and let time do its work--focusing on reaching acceptance will come later.

Unless the things you have at your ex's house are irreplaceable, unique items, it's best to let them go. Don't make getting your stuff be a "thing" that keeps you hooked in. Do what you need to do to stop him from contacting you--if that means changing your phone number and/or blocking him from emailing you, then that's what you need to do.

You should read and post on the Breaking Up Is Hard to Do board in addition to this board--there is lots of good information and support there for people trying to move on.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Tue, 08-28-2007 - 7:37pm

"I don't know what to do, again I am not looking for a relationship but heck I don't know what I am wanting from him. I like it the way it is, but then again I am caring loving person and I guess I just want to know that I am liked back."

Is it possible that you are not healed from your last relationship and you are looking for some acceptance and approval? If so, then this guy would qualify as a bandage, but could rip that wound right open again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2006
Wed, 08-29-2007 - 1:23pm

If it's important to you to know how much you are "liked" in a casual sex situation, I don't think you are a good candidate to be in a casual sex situation.

Jilly

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Fri, 08-31-2007 - 12:33pm
It sounds like it's a very vulnerable time for you and being physically intimate obviously can lead to a lot of confusion.
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