In Need of Advice...Please Help!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2007
In Need of Advice...Please Help!!
1
Tue, 09-04-2007 - 9:02pm

Hi,

i'm' not really sure what to do. I was with my ex boyfriend for almost 2 years. He broke up with me early august, saying he didnt want a girlfriend anymore and at this time in his life he felt it wasnt right. The thing that hurts me the most, is that , he never had told me those things before, or problems he had with me, and that we had sex for the first time about 2 weeks before he broke up with me. I lost my virginity to him as well. He still wants to remain friends, but i find it hard. He went away to college last week. He wants to remain friends, but sends alot of mixed signals..im just really confused. because i want to be with him, but im not sure how i can...=/

ive refrained from seeming too attached to him and when he asks whats up with me and stuff, i tell him im having a good time and enjoying myself and all the good things that are going on with me...eventhough sometimes i cant help but be upset when i do talk to him but i dont show him that ive been really happy, but there is still that one piece of happiness missing... i am 17 and he is 18 so yes we are young...he just went off to college last week. he said he just wants to be friends and stuff, yet he sends mixed signals of when he sees a picture of me, hell say i look beautiful , things like that..or he got upset when i spoke to this other boy that i used to date but was a complete ass to me and treated me bad sexually and i technically could have went to the police but i didnt with him. but i dont know...weird situation? mixed signals? i do want him back, but it seems like he is having too much fun in college and doesnt think of me or anything..i dont know even thogh when he talks to hes really nice..i dont knoww what to do=/ lately ive just been treating myself and shopping=)

thank you for your help in advance! =), if you want additional information, feel free to im or email me=) thanks alot!

-Marie

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Wed, 09-05-2007 - 1:46pm

Based on the info you provided in your post it appears as though your BF knew he was going to be leaving for college soon and broke up with you prior to his departure. He doesnt want to lie to you and tell you that things are the same when there will be many people he will meet in college and he doesn't want to be tied down to one person. He could have told you earlier, I agree with you. It could appear that he was keeping you around until he left for college, but...maybe not. Maybe he really cares for you and by being honest with you it does show he cares -- just not the way you want him to care. It is better that he is honest with you than leave for college with you pining away for him at home wondering what he is doing.

The mixed signals may come from the fact that when he is home for the holidays or breaks he may want to see you. By being honest with you upfront, he may feel that he has the ability to rekindle your relationship.

The fact that you slept with him just prior to your breakup is bad timing and I am sure you may be feeling some regret. Try not to feel regret.

I know that hearing "keep busy" or "if it is meant to be it will be" doesnt help right now. You miss him and want things to be the way they were before.