need come outside perspective please

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2005
need come outside perspective please
2
Wed, 09-05-2007 - 5:43am
Okay so, I think that I need an outside perspective here. So here is the deal, I have been dating this guy for a few months and we have never discussed being exclusive, but he knows that when I am dating someone, that's it. I can't, because of the way that I am, date more than person at a time. I should mention that this is a long distance relationship. He stayed with me for a few days before he left for another city(I am on the way), and then stayed again for several days on the way back. We have slept together which is no small deal for me. Okay before this gets too long, I am going to get to the point... I sometimes think that myspace is an evil thing because of things like this. He posted a picture of himself and a girl that he met while he was out of town. Fine, right? Yeah, until I looked at her page and the same picture is posted, but there is a comment left from someone that was there with them about her being very hospitable to him while he was in her city, wink wink. So, I am kind of freaking out. Freaking out mostly because I slept with him on his return trip, and am totally disgusted at the thought that something happened between them. Am I am over reacting to this? What would you think? Please help me out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
Wed, 09-05-2007 - 9:27am

I can understand why you wouldn't want the guy you're sleeping with to be sleeping with others, but the fact is he is within his rights to do so. You don't have an agreement of exclusivity, which means he is feel to date and sleep with as many women as he wants to. And, just because he knows you won't sleep with anyone else doesn't mean that he can't -- afterall, there is no agreement.


Next time before sleeping with a guy, have a talk with him (while clothes are still on) and tell him that you only will have sex in an exclusive relationship and that you want to be exclusive with him. That way everything is out on the table, you know where you stand, and you can act with confidence.


As far as this guy goes, I wouldn't get upset with him over the myspace girl. Rather, I would have a talk with him and tell him you want to be exclusive with him. He will either agree or he won't. If he won't agree, then you need to decide if you want to keep dating him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Wed, 09-05-2007 - 1:51pm
I can understand why you would be upset and grossed out. You need to talk to him about his dating life and find out if he has been sleeping with other people, if he has gotten tested for any STDs and see if he is open to an exclusive dating relationship.