TURNED ME DOWN for sex now I feel cheap!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2007
TURNED ME DOWN for sex now I feel cheap!
3
Thu, 09-06-2007 - 2:04pm

A co-worker of mine whom I've been flirting with for the past few months, finally asked me to take the morning off of work and join him for breakfast. He was staying at a hotel near our job but he actually lives in another state. He had the hotel room b/c he had an engagement to attend that evening. Anyway, I take the morning off. We meet up.. and he decides he's not hungry and suggests that we just chill in his hotel room a few blocks away. He immediately tells me: Don't get the wrong idea or anything I thought we could just hang out.

We get to the hotel room, start watching tv and of course we end up kissing. It was an intense kissing session so he decides to take a "break" it was obvious that he was aroused. We eventually go back to kissing again for several minutes. When I reached for his belt.. he hesitated. He told me that perhaps we were moving too fast. He then told me that he really thinks we should take it slower and he doesn't want to ruin what we have now. He said his concern was that it'll get weird afterwards and that we get along great and he wouldn't want things to get weird in the office. (FYI our office is huge and we do not have any direct contact regarding our positions so it's not an issue of direct conflict) He also said he felt like a complete dork for saying those things and that he didn't want me to take it personally.

My question is: I looked great, smelled great, the whole nine! Not to toot my own horn or anything, but I'm actually a very attractive woman.What went wrong? What am I missing? I was completely turned down and now I feel like a cheap slut who was initiating sex with someone I have a huge attraction for. PLEASE HELP!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-1999
Thu, 09-06-2007 - 3:20pm

nothing went 'wrong' - but he obviously had concerns about getting involved with a co-worker that probably got the better of him at an inopportune time. Heck, he might even be involved with someone else and that bothered him. Maybe his underpants were ripped, stained and/or holey?? Who knows?

I've been in both yours and his shoes and its not about either doing anything 'wrong'. Thinking that it is makes it about you - and it isn't.

Feeling cheap or like a slut is your choice to do - but that is victimizing yourself and making judgements rather than owning your life. You wanted a sexual relationship with him and that is fine. He changed his mind. And that is fine too. It doesn't make either of you cheap, wrong or anything other than 2 adults checking each other out. Liking sex and wanting sex is normal and natural. Calling yourself a 'cheap slut' because you have normal and natural desires is self defeating and only keeps you from enjoying your life an dliking yourself. Stop it.

Toni

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Fri, 09-07-2007 - 10:26am
I would just take what he said at face value. He obviously wants to move slowly and has valid concerns about potential workplace issues that could crop up. I know you do not interact directly in the office, but rumors do fly when it comes to romance. I dont understand why you feel like a cheap slut because he did not want to go further. Women do that to men all the time. Of course, if a man feels like a cheap slut he brags about it to his friends, hehe. We are so different from them. Dont get down about yourself. Try to see it as something to look forward to in the future. He may not want to move so fast because he really likes you - some men are wired that way while others would really like you regardless of which date you slept together - ...so try to see it differently.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Fri, 09-07-2007 - 1:14pm

Clearly he's attracted to you.

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