Daughter Dislikes Girl Friend
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Daughter Dislikes Girl Friend
| Thu, 09-06-2007 - 3:46pm |
Hi Everyone,
I have been dating someone for about two years now. While we have our ups and downs like any couple, my ex-wife recently informed me that our daughter severely dislikes my girlfriend.
I have been very mindful to keep my daughter out of my love live now that I am divorced and recently began to take her to family vacations. She has indicated that she feels that I have enough free time each week to date when she's not around, but that when she is around she doesn't want her there. Obviously this is going to cause a relationship problem. Any advice from people who have been there before?
Thanks,
Bob

A couple thoughts: how much alone time do you spend with your daughter when she's with you? Maybe if you make your weekends together *mostly* about the two of you, and only include your GF for a small part of the weekend, then that would work. I have dated a number of men with kids and I have never had an objection to seeing less of them when they have their children--that's part and parcel of dating men with kids.
And your daughter doesn't have to *like* your GF, she just has to act respectfully towards her as she should towards any adult in her life.
Sheri
Typically I have my daughter every Thursday and every other weekend (Thursday to Monday) and she gets my undivided attention. On occasion I pick her up and take her to family outings on weekends I do not have her and on occasion my girlfriend will accompany us.
She is not disrespectful towards her at all, so that is not a problem. But apparently she has cried to her mom several times after I drop her off. Funny thing about this whole situation is that she spends her time with her cousins or friends and doesn't even hang out with the adults. So I am pretty confused on how to handle this and she doesn't want to talk to me about it.
Hi thegnomeman,
As a mother and a step-mother, your daughter's behavior is pretty normal.... however, I wouldn't change your entire life to fit the child's dislike.
Ok--if that's the case and your GF only joins the two of you occasionally, then it sounds like she's making it out to be a bigger deal than it is (is she a teenager? Many teenage girls seem to live for creating drama where there's really none to be found). You might mention to her that you know she has told her mom she's upset about it and that you are ready and willing to discuss it if and when she is ready to so that you can understand why, but in the meantime, you are going to continue to invite your GF to accompany you occasionally.
Sheri
It is a tough situation, no question.
I think there's nothing in your routine that you need to change at this point.... except that maybe it's time to sit down with your daughter and ask her how she honestly feels about "things."
Jilly