mixed signals

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2007
mixed signals
24
Wed, 11-28-2007 - 4:15pm

Ok first off I'd like to say im male. I noticed that the boards are filled with advice for women, but I thought i'd ask in here since I need a female's perspective.

I was playing basketball at a gym back in september when I noticed this girl come in and start playing basketball with us. I was floored the moment I saw her, and told myself that I had to talk to her. I am a very shy guy so I normally do not just go up to anyone and start talking to them...not even other guys. (im not bi-sexual, im straight, im just saying...im not very outgoing). So I talked to her and she turned out to be really nice. I began to run into her at the basketball court at the gym about 1-2 times every month on tuesdays and thursdays. Each time I ran into her, she always was the one to come up to me and say hi and start the conversation. I took this as a good sign, and decided to take the opportunity to get to know her better each time I ran into her. She graduated high school about 2 years, so i think that would make her 20 turning 21. She is taking 17 units at a community college. We are both studying to be nurses. She's caucasian, and knows a few things about my ethnicity (im filipino) and i think she has a filipino friend. She's very friendly, and never made me feel like she wanted to end any of the conversations I had with her. One thing I noticed was that she would always dart out of the gym at 7:30 without saying or waving bye. She'd just be gone. Last week, on tuesday before thanksgiving, I ran into her again and felt that it was time to see if I could invite her to a Lakers basketball game. She didn't even hesitate to say yes. At the gym there is always a basketball game going, and right after she said yes, the next game at the gym was starting and I was up next to play so I had to get in the game without getting a chance to get her number. By this time it was already 7:25 and I knew she was getting ready to leave. The game ended and she was still there! She came up to me and started talking to me and I had the feeling that I should probably ask for her number. So I did and she gave it to me. (She probably noticed my hands shaking as I was writing her number down) She then says she's tired and she has to go (wow she actually is saying bye this time). I told her I was leaving as well and so i walk out with her. Stupid me says, "Well I know you're a busy person, what would be a good time to call you?" and she just shrugs as if she wanted to say that she's always busy and anytime would be as good as the next. Then I say "How about I just send you a text message?" and she says "I don't get a text messaging plan until december 2nd". I pause and say "do you have myspace?" and she tells me how to find her on myspace and we both go our own ways. The next day comes along and I decide not to send her a message on myspace yet because I didn't want to seem desperate. Thursday comes along and its Thanksgiving and didn't think it was a good idea. Friday....my birthday. So I decide to send her this message on Saturday afternoon:

"Hey Zoe! Sorry it took a while...this week's been so busy for me with my finals, Thanksgiving, and my birthday. How was your Thanksgiving? Anyway, here are the upcoming Laker games that I can go to:

Tuesday 11/27 @ 7:30pm vs Seattle Sonics
Thursday 11/29 @ 7:30pm vs Denver Nuggets
Sunday 12/02 @ 6:30pm vs Orlando Magic

Let me know if any of these games will work with your schedule.

-Chris"

She doesn't reply to my message until tuesday 11/27 @ around 6pm. This is what she says:

"oh my gosh, im sorry that i took so long to respond. Actually, i dont think i can make any of those games. i have class thursday and my friend from out of town is coming in this saturday. but i appreciate the offer. I will talk to soon. zoe"

I don't understand how she came from seeming very interested in me and accepting my invitation to saying "but i appreciate the offer". I forgot to mention that I just turned 27. She didn't know my age until she saw my myspace which has my age posted at the top. What should I do now? Should I reply to her message? Should I try inviting her to a later game? Should I put the ball on her court and tell her to let me know if she still wants to go to a game and let me know when she's free to go to one. Or should I not reply to her message, and if she's interested she will eventually send me a message.

I want you guys to understand that I am a very shy person, and I rarely get the courage to talk to a girl. I'm not the typical guy who just wants to get into a girl's pants. Honestly, that's the least of my concern. I've had 3 girlfriends and all of them were long term relationships. I'm into quality, not quantity. I waited 2 months and took my time before I asked Zoe to do something outside of the gym. I really like this girl. She's not the "hot" girl who's self centered and too full of her self. She's the type that you would take home to meet your mom. I know I screwed up. I should have just taken her phone number, and just called her the next day. If she didn't pick up because she was busy, I should have left her a voicemail. But I'm not going to cry over spilled milk. If I still have the slightest chance with this girl, I want to know what I need to do to get there. So please help!

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
In reply to: chris2376
Wed, 11-28-2007 - 9:06pm

Respond to her email... ask for her #, call her and give it another try and see if she is available for a later game, she didn't know the dates of the game until you sent her the email so it is quite possible she was not able to go those times.. don't get upset because she waited a couple days to get back with you...you did the same thing with sending her the email on Sat because you didn't want to seem eager :).... but if you get the same result again then I would leave the ball in her court....

Good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2007
In reply to: chris2376
Thu, 11-29-2007 - 7:34pm

I already have her phone number. She gave it to me that night when I asked her if she wanted to go to the Lakers game. And im not upset that it took her a long time to respond. I expected it, since I did the same thing.

I asked a couple of my female friends the same question and they just told me to reply to her with this:

"ok no problem, i'll talk to you later.

-Chris"

so i've done that. now i don't know what else to do. i guess all i can do is hang tight right? let me know if there is anything else i should do. im thinking maybe a couple of weeks from now, i'd call her and see if she wants to hang out or go to a later game. let me know what you guys think! thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
In reply to: chris2376
Thu, 11-29-2007 - 7:48pm
Yes, just hang tight for a couple weeks, don't act any different when you see her at the gym, in a couple weeks if you want to ask her, pick up the phone and call, its more personal. Good luck
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2006
In reply to: chris2376
Tue, 12-04-2007 - 7:55am

Hello Chris.. Here is my 50 cents : i would still show her somehow that you are interested. Some girls (me first) often wait for some more action from the guy and if he is being passive - they move on. On the contrary, even if we are not very interested with the guy (which is not even your case as you said she was into you at the the beginning) we appreciate the attention. I guess im not being very helpful with my advice coz 1. you are shy, 2. i have no clue what has changed - might be the wrong timing for her (too many other things on, she is interested in someone else now, etc etc). But dont just disappear. Hang around, stay cool, eventually invite her out for a drink. Simplicity is sometimes the best option. If she is interested, she will respond to your attention. If not - oh well, her loss.


good luck!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2007
In reply to: chris2376
Fri, 12-07-2007 - 6:35pm
picky2002, first of all thanks for your response. Everything you said makes a lot of sense. I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt that she really was busy that week and couldn't go. She had told me from a previous conversation (before I got her number) that school is keeping her busy and that she would be done with school by the end of december. I am planning on calling her sometime in January after school is over and the busy holiday season is wrapped up. When I do call her, should I ask her if she is still interested in going to a laker game, or should I just invite her out for something unrelated to basketball/Lakers? But keep in mind, the way I got her number was using the Laker game. I asked her if she wanted to go and she said yes and that led to her giving me her number.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2006
In reply to: chris2376
Fri, 12-07-2007 - 7:37pm

hi Chris. I'm not an expert in the relationships and always careful with giving advices - hard to judge another person's (in your case - that girl's) feelings and motivations.

if you really like her and do not want to let her go - don't just disappear and then contact her in January for the game. its month away and would feel weird - at least to me personally. Once the moment is lost, its harder to get back and to restart things.

Do you still see her around? I do not mean to hassle her (obviously she has got other things on her mind right now) but to not let her forget that you exist. Maybe drop her a line saying that you know she is busy right now but you would be glad to have a drink one day and to chat. or go to cinema...whatever.. So that you leave the door open and let her contact you herself when and if she is available and interested. Coz the way you replied to her last email could also be interpreted 'oh well, see ya. bye'. You could give it a last chance before you turn the page.

A game or a drink - doesn't really matter at the end of the day. You want to get to know her and to see if the spark is still on. She doesn't sound a bit 'distant' and i would (actually i am in a very similar situation right now...) just be prepared that there is a 50% chance that her interest is gone and that you should move on

good luck!!! hope that things will work out just great

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2004
In reply to: chris2376
Sat, 12-08-2007 - 3:26pm

Chris!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
In reply to: chris2376
Sun, 12-09-2007 - 12:08pm
I agree - don't play games, give her a call, see what happens
,
,
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2007
In reply to: chris2376
Tue, 12-11-2007 - 2:43am
Ok then, after reading your replies, it seems obvious that I should call her as soon as possible. I will go ahead and give her a call tomorrow and let you guys know what happens. Thank you so much for taking the time to help me!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2007
In reply to: chris2376
Tue, 12-11-2007 - 3:35am
...one other thing. In the case that I get her voicemail when I call her, I should probably leave a message since she doesn't have my number and wouldn't know who it was that called. Should I just leave her a brief message along the lines of: "Hey Zoe it's Chris from the gym. I just wanted to say hi and see how you're doing. Go ahead and give me a call back when you can. My nubmer is.... talk to you soon" Or should I actually leave her a message inviting her to something?

Pages