How Can I get Attractive guys to Date?
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| Mon, 12-03-2007 - 5:30am |
Ive been single for a very long time and been dated few guys but just didn't work out... I know most men don't date just one girl and that they have "reserves" just incase the other didn't work out...no wonder its so easy for them to pull back when they saw something bad bout d girls they're dating..
I'm also attractive and smart enough but I'm in med school and barely have time to go out....I don't wanna resort to online dating cause I don't think its safe and it's a li'l desperate way to find dates.. most of my friends are single so I can't ask them if they know some guys to date with...
Before I don't have problems of bein single but everytime I see sweet couples...I feel so empty.. I'm a very independent girl and definitely not a clingy type.. I'm not a flirty type and hate people flirting.. But if I'm goin t act like a sitting duck and wait for the next guy to come...i might be wasting time... help!

eh, online dating isn't really that bad. if you're having a hard time meeting people because you're busy, it's a good way to meet people. plus, you can pre-screen them for the ones who are looking for relationships, etc. A lot of my friends have tried it, and although not all of them came out of the experience with a boyfriend, no one had a really negative experience. For a couple of them, it seemed like the online dating just gave them more confidence to get out there, and ended up dating people they didn't meet online. i don't think it's any more unsafe than meeting people out, at bars, etc. you just can't, say, invite some guy you've nevermet over to your house or something like that, but then again, you shouldn't do that with anyone you've just met anyway!
other than going out to bars and getting involved in activities- which you don't seem to have time to do- or meeting people through friends, there really isn't any other way to meet people to date. you meet people to date just like you meet all other people, really. there's no "magic formula." if i were in your shoes though, i'd probably give online dating a try...
Bella
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online dating is not desperate - its a meeting tool and it works for a lot of people. If you aren't meeting people in your day to day routine, then it is smart to use all the avenues available to increase your social circle. Thousands ofpeople have used online dating and had success with it. What is 'desperate' about making friends and finding someone?
Also, I'm not sure I understand your issue about flirting - flirting is the playful banter between people that says "I'm approachable and open" It could be that you are projecting such an all business demeanor that those you encounter who 'might' be interested are given a silent 'Do Not Enter' warning. People will not approach you if they sense you aren't open.
lastly, independence is well and good - however, when 'independence' comes across as 'I don't want or need anyone else at all to help me or treat me special' it again is a 'Do Not Enter' sign. Being SO independent that you forget how to also be a woman with a man - allowing him to open doors, carry things, be chivalrous towards you, etc - is actually man repellent. Men want to do things for women - but when women disallow those displays of courtesy, chivalry and generosity - they subtly tell men, don't treat me special.
Toni
Z
"Ive been single for a very long time and been dated few guys but just didn't work out... I know most men don't date just one girl and that they have "reserves" just incase the other didn't work out...no wonder its so easy for them to pull back when they saw something bad bout d girls they're dating.."
Wow. You must only be going for players or bad boys or something because as guy, and as a guy who knows and has known several, several other guys, I can tell you that this is simply not true for the majority of men. Most men usually only have one woman to work with at a time and will do anything to make it work. It's usually your inhibitions that make it not work out, not his.
Z
I just want to say that as a single female doctoral candidate (and friends to a multitude of professional and graduate women) I totally get how our own behaviors (independence, strong will and determination, etc.) can turn men off, however there's something to be said for guys being so intimidated by us.
I usually get that confused look from men when I say I don't get asked out a lot (very rarely, I can count the number of times I've been asked out by guys on my two hands and I'm 25 years old ) or haven't dated much, as if it doesn't make sense (I know, I think I'm a really cool person too). Now don't get me wrong, men flirt with me (and buy drinks) whenever I go out but I get the sense that something about me intimidates men enough not to ask me out.
I've often looked at my mannerisms and hang ups and work to 'improve' myself. However, like the original post I don't get the the chance to date much. Now it's very easy to think there's something that may be wrong with you (and there may be), but I feel that thought process alone can be very self destructive. On that note...
I really think men are too easily intimidated especially by women who are 'successful' or working towards success whatever that means. I speak for myself when I say that, having to be strong, determined, and driven in my education and career, I've always look to relationships as a way to relax, be myself, and be feminine/womanly (take it how you want it). Yet to do that I believe men have to be man enough (take that how you want it too) to ask me out in first place. So I tell myself, that the right man for me (or at least anyone I would want to date) would be confident enough to be able to approach me and ask me out inspite of what may be perceived about me. Until then, I go out, enjoy life, continue to work on myself, and remain open to the opportunity to have a relationship (or a date for that matter)!
you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders at 25.
Toni