Always the victim of professional daters

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2007
Always the victim of professional daters
25
Wed, 12-05-2007 - 2:39pm

I could really use some guidance on this. First off, I'm a guy, mid 20s, and for some reason, "professional daters" always seem to target me. I don't know why, but for some reason, girls talk to me, act like they're interested in me, give me their phone numbers and let me spend my hard-earned time, money and energy taking them on dates, sometimes several at a time, only to tell me they want to be friends. Not even a measly kiss in return!


I can't tell you how many hundreds, maybe thousands of dollars, I've spent taking girls who acted like they were interested in me out but were only looking for a free night on the town.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
Wed, 12-05-2007 - 4:05pm

If you continuously attract the same type of people, the common denominator in this is you.
Look inside yourself and try to find the reason you keep attracting the same type of people.
It's like you have a signal that they are drawn to. What kind of signals are you putting out there? Are you a secure, confident guy, happy with your yourself? Are you insecure, not confident and not happy with yourself?

You don't get back at them...you realize what YOU are doing to attract these type of females and stop doing it.... some of them probably realized that you just were not a right fit for them, have there been any that you went out with once or twice and decided that was enough?
I am sure there were some that just took your offer to go out so they could just have a night on the town..... It's not fair to say all women are like this, because we aren't..(after a few dates I will ask them to lunch or something and it is my treat)... just like all men are not after only sex..... With that kind of thinking that is exactly what you will get. Like attracts like... So try to examine yourself first and see if there is something you need to change within yourself..... Good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2007
Wed, 12-05-2007 - 4:54pm

Sorry to hear about your experiences...ugh!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2007
Wed, 12-05-2007 - 6:11pm

"Look inside yourself and try to find the reason you keep attracting the same type of people."


These girls usually tell me that I'm cute, handsome, etc. I suppose I could cut up my face with a piece of glass like that guy in Hannibal.


"It's like you have a signal that they are drawn to. What kind of signals are you putting out there? Are you a secure, confident guy, happy with your yourself? Are you insecure, not confident and not happy with yourself?"


I start out secure, confident and happy. After these girls use me for a couple of free dates, I don't feel so secure, happy and confident.


"some of them probably realized that you just were not a right fit for them, have there been any that you went out with once or twice and decided that was enough?"


I don't understand why a woman needs to be a "right fit." I'm a man, she's a woman. That's reason enough for us to get together. I've given up on some girls, but not after only 1 or 2 dates. I only give up after they've stopped returning my calls for about a month. I did get back at one girl, though. I realized she was just using me for dates so I took her to a restaurant, ordered the most expensive meal for myself, slipped out and left her with the bill. Other than that, no.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2007
Wed, 12-05-2007 - 6:17pm

"Sorry to hear about your experiences...ugh!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
Wed, 12-05-2007 - 6:51pm

""These girls usually tell me that I'm cute, handsome, etc. I suppose I could cut up my face with a piece of glass like that guy in Hannibal.""

You can be the most handsome, cutest guy on earth, if you don't have the personality and confidence, attitude to back that up, it will not matter. Looks are what initially attract you but it takes substance as a person to keep the attraction going.

"I start out secure, confident and happy. After these girls use me for a couple of free dates, I don't feel so secure, happy and confident."

If after a couple of dates, you expect they should be head over heels or want to jump your bones, then you are going to be disappointed quite often. You should take them out because you enjoy being with them NOT for what you think you deserve from them. If you are insecure after 2 dates,then you need to work on your self esteem... 2 dates shouldn't make you think anything but that it is a date. Confindence is one of the sexiest things someone can have male/or female. It takes time to get know someone and what someone is like. It doesn't happen in 2 dates, but you can know if someone just gives you a bad vibe. And it is not you per say... but something they are looking for.

"I don't understand why a woman needs to be a "right fit." I'm a man, she's a woman. That's reason enough for us to get together. I've given up on some girls, but not after only 1 or 2 dates. I only give up after they've stopped returning my calls for about a month."

No that is not reason enough and if that is your attitude then you are in for a lot of misery. Giving up after they have stopped returning your calls for a month, is all on you. Why would you continue for a month to get in touch with them? You control your actions, it is not their fault you wait a month.. There is no way I would keep calling someone for that long before giving up.... I would say 2 calls at the max. You have to respect yourself before you can get that from someone else. Respect yourself enough not to try for a month, don't waste your time on someone that doesn't want to waste their time on you.

With your attitude about dating and what is coming through your post... you are going to continue to have a hard time finding anyone with any self respect that will put up with that attitude.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2007
Wed, 12-05-2007 - 7:00pm
Maybe you are right.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2007
Thu, 12-06-2007 - 1:58am

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005
Thu, 12-06-2007 - 7:07am

Oh don't be redonculous!


Start looking at the red flags. In your other post you said you noticed that the girl didn't ask anything about you. That was your first signal she wasn't really interested in you. So guess what. Don't take her out again. She's not a professional dater, she's just not that interested in you, maybe she's trying to be, dating is all about getting to know someone and you only do that by going out with someone. Some women give guys a few dates more than they should. If I don't feel the chemistry on the first date I don't go out with them again, some women give a guy they don't feel chemistry with, several more chances.


Also, you've posted a few times that you like the hotties and we've told you before, when you go for the hotties, you're going to pull up a few superficial women. So it comes with the territory. You don't want to date the average woman who is normal looking, you want a hot girl even if you aren't hot yourself. You've said it a few times here so this is what happens sometimes, you are going to get a girl that all she wants to do is be pampered and talk about herself and has little interest in you. It doesn't mean she's a professional dater, it means she's a stuck-up princess.


Smile,

Deirdre

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2007
Thu, 12-06-2007 - 8:25am

'..All I know is that I'm tired of women viewing my only a source of free dinners and drinks'


Why in God's name, in year 2007 - not 1947 -

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2007
Thu, 12-06-2007 - 10:02am

"You don't want to date the average woman who is normal looking, you want a hot girl even if you aren't hot yourself."


I have noticed this with numerous men and I cant decide whether to laugh or spit up when they tell me that they only want a "hottie" when they are not hotties either.

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