REALLY need female advice...PLEASE

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2005
REALLY need female advice...PLEASE
33
Tue, 12-18-2007 - 7:56pm

Hi everyone.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
Tue, 12-18-2007 - 8:19pm

I you honestly mean it....Send her 1 email... telling her you are there for her if she needs you you will be there. Then leave the girl alone for now.

DO NOT send an email, stating how you think she is being selfish or rude. That would be very selfish and disrespectful on your part. And if someone I had just met or even knew for a long period of time sent me something like that after the death of a loved one I would tell them where to get off.

She just lost a brother. She has more important things to think about than you. Have you ever lost someone that close to you?

You have only known the girl for 2 months, that is too soon to decide if you are compatible or not. Its called the "honeymoon stage". Usually when it heats up that fast it burns out just as fast. You barely know the girl, and she barely knows you. It takes time to truely know someone. You are not a priority in her life as of yet, and she shouldn't be one in yours either. Go on with your life just like before you met her. If she contacts you fine, if not then that is the way it was meant to be.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2007
Tue, 12-18-2007 - 9:37pm

Because the relationship is still new ( a couple of months ) she is leaning on her family more than you, as you cannot relate to her situation or her loss.


Since you are very smitten with her, why not email her and tell her you'd like to fly out to SF and be there for her?


"One part that does bother me most is that she's been checking her MySpace page as you can see when a person has logged in.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Wed, 12-19-2007 - 10:59am

<< Should I keep sending her email letting her know I care for her and am there for her if she needs me, or should I send her an email telling her how I think she's being selfish & rude to me

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-1999
Wed, 12-19-2007 - 11:11am

ok - unless you have lost an immediate family member or someone extremely close to you - you cannot fully understand what it feels like. You go on remote control and adrenaline - there are tons of things to deal with outside of the emotional aspects. I cannot explain what this time feels like - I lost my Dad 2 years ago Thanksgiving.

Toni

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2005
Wed, 12-19-2007 - 11:35am

Everyone, thank you so very much - this is exactly what I needed to hear.


I know it sounds very harsh of me and I don't mean for it to sound as though it's all about me, and I certainly have no idea what she's experiencing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-1999
Wed, 12-19-2007 - 1:04pm

I urge you to do some homework on grief - there are some great books out there that can give you some ideas of what to expect - but keep in mind that everyone is different and will handle things in different ways. this will be a time of extreme patience on your part.


the hardest thing for me was that others wanted me to 'hurry up' and get over it. they got where they couldn't handle my intense feelings and got frustrated with me. People don't mean to do this - but intense grief is hard and dark and lonely. and it takes as long as it takes. This doesn't mean you tiptoe around a person but that you treat them with compassion.


the reality is - I have never been the

Toni

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Wed, 12-19-2007 - 1:14pm

Kudos for taking the

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2005
Wed, 12-19-2007 - 1:29pm

Thank you again...really.


I do understand that it's not about me even remotely.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2007
Wed, 12-19-2007 - 2:54pm

tonitoons made a good suggestion by recommending you learn about grief.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2007
Wed, 12-19-2007 - 3:06pm

One thing to consider is that she will lean on the people she may not have to *give* to right now.

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