How do I keep him interested...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2006
How do I keep him interested...
6
Wed, 12-26-2007 - 1:42am

Ok so I meet a REALLY great guy a couple of weeks ago. I meet him through work, but I quit so I don't seem him at work anymore (which is good in my opinion - I'm really not into dating a coworker). Anyways, we've been on a couple of dates and all of them have been a really good time and I really enjoy spending time with him.

The problem is that on our last date, we had sex and we've only been together for a couple of weeks. I NEVER have sex with someone that early in the game, but at the time, it just felt right. I definitely don't regret it, but my fear is that he'll lose interest now that he's lost the "chase" that men crave. After our last date nothing has really seemed to change in our relationship. He's still calling and is still interested in hanging out again sometime soon and nothing seems to have changed... yet.

I guess my fear that he'll suddenly lose interest is that my last two ex-boyfriends literally suddenly lost interest and broke things off. In any other relationship I was able to realize that things weren't going all that well and that they were eventually going to end, but with the last two it was just BAM and they were over. One day we were talking about doing some traveling together and then the next day we're not even dating. I was taken TOTALLY by suprise in both relationships. I know what the signs of a failing relationship are - lack of interest by either not calling or just apathetic towards the relationship, and in general, things just start to feel "off." I didn't have ANY of these situations in the last two relationships and yet they still ended abruptly. I was left extremely hurt and confused.

So I guess that's why I'm even MORE afraid that now that I've slept with him he'll just suddenly pull a 180 on me a go running in the opposite direction. Nothing seems to hint at that right now and I want to keep it that way for some time to come. Sooo HOW do I KEEP him interested? Is it possible for a relationship to survive long-term after such a fast start?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2007
Wed, 12-26-2007 - 10:00am

I can understand why you are feeling a little uneasy about dating again, given your last two experiences.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2006
Wed, 12-26-2007 - 4:14pm

>>>>Just be who you are because that is what drew him to you. <<<<

Snafu said it perfectly above. Trying to keep him will only make you come off as fake. Just be your wonderful self and if he really is interested, he will stick around. You job is to not get so wrapped up in him too soon and give your heart away before he asks for it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2004
Wed, 12-26-2007 - 9:18pm
You need to keep being who you are. If he is interested he will stick around and if not then he will leave. I think it's a matter of people clicking all the way around, we may sometimes feel as though they are the best and at times they don't. Its takes just about the same interest in both sides, no matter what you do will keep him around. All you can really do is enjoy yourself when you are with him and see what develops. The next time around try to hold off on sex a little longer because us women tend to get involved on the emotional level once we have sex and guy's don't. Guys tend to go with the flow of things and take their time, us women are more complex, want more, and make future plans. I wish you well and try not to beat yourself up if he will stay or leave, that is part of dating and getting involved in relationships. It takes time to get to know the other person to really see if both are meant for each other. Try to slow down, just enjoy the moment. Remember if he leaves, he is not the only man left, there may be a man out there that can offer you a whole lot more and it's not the end of the world. A suggestion is maybe you have not healed completely from past relationships to feel confident enough that it is okay if a guy leaves. Their is no guarantee if any man will stay in any relationship whether it be boyfriend/girlfriend, engaged, and/or marriage. Part of falling in love and developing relationships is taking that risk with our heart on whether it will work out or not. If we don't take the risk, make the best of it, then we will never know whether it was meant to be or not.

Anna


Anna

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2004
Wed, 12-26-2007 - 9:19pm

Forgot to add to my prior post. We should not want to make a man want to be with us. Life is so much better when we know a guy wants to be with us, why make a guy want to be with us. Then we would be living on the edge in wondering if he is staying or going.

Anna


Anna

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2006
Thu, 12-27-2007 - 2:05am
Thanks for all of the AMAZING replies - it really helps put my mind at ease. I guess I'm just a little bit more aprehensive because of prior experiences - I'm going to work on that!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2007
Thu, 12-27-2007 - 1:08pm
Good luck!