Dating a Single Parent

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2005
Dating a Single Parent
7
Thu, 12-27-2007 - 5:55pm

About 8 months ago I ran into a man that I had know several years ago. Upon discovery that we were both divorced we began dating and discovered that we had so much in common from our beliefs to being in the same line of work. We were able to talk about anything right away. I tease him

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2007
Thu, 12-27-2007 - 6:38pm

It is smart that you are evaluating the potential of this relationship because the bottom line is that you are not a member of his family and really have no say-so over how he raises his kids.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2005
Thu, 12-27-2007 - 6:55pm

Unfortunately the "not having a clue" comment hasn't been during discussions of parenting. One was Christmas Eve. He spent the holiday with me and my family. I have 2 nieces ( 2 years old & 5 months old) who I adore and spend as much time as I can with them. Needless to say I spent a good part of the evening with them and on the way home he told me that I was really good with my nieces but I didn't understand that if I were to have kids that I wouldn't have the freedom to do the things that I enjoy now. I think part of it might stem from he is having to be a full-time parent now. When he was married he had the ability to go to rodeos and since his wife didn't like to go he didn't have to worry about laundry, cooking etc... now he has to worry about it all.


I know that he feels guilty for the divorce ( she moved out and filed) and all that the kids have gone through but his daughter especially has caught on to that and seems to be working it for all it is worth. I know that I have no right to interfere but I hate to see him give everything to them because he wants their love so bad and then have them treat him badly. It is very hard to see.


I am very torn on the next step of our relationship. On one hand he is the best thing that has come along and I am happy to be with him.. on the other I am frustrated with the way he parents and his thoughts as to my ability or commitment to a family. The thing about it is that I don't think that I can overlook something like that. If we were to have kids of our own I would want them to be parented different than how he parents his children now.. IT seems like a dead end...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2007
Thu, 12-27-2007 - 7:23pm

You can bring up the subject as it relates to him and his spirits in general. You can ask him how things are going with the kids and if he feels guilty about the divorce and you can mention to him that you are concerned about how his relationship with his kids may change because of the divorce.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2007
Thu, 12-27-2007 - 8:02pm

From one WYO gal to another.


Isn't it wonderful to live in a rural state where the next town

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-1999
Fri, 12-28-2007 - 8:35am

yes dating single parents can be tough - esp when its the man!


You may not have experience as a parent and all it entails, but I think it rather unfair of him to apply that to you not understanding how to handle children. Understanding respect and discipline doesn't require beign a parent and I think he is forgetting that.


I do agree that he is struggling with the transition of part-time to full-time father. What he isn't seeing is the big picture - that without boundaries and discipline, kids get out of control. and the older they get, the harder it is to control them.


You may want to have a discussion with him about what the future holds for you - and its perfectly ok to let him know that no, you aren't a parent, but you do know what respect and discipline are and from your perspective, it feels as if his kids are in charge of things

Toni

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2005
Fri, 12-28-2007 - 11:01am

I want to thank all of you for you thoughts and advice.


I know that this is going to be a long process. I am more than willing to let him work things out with his kids before I am brought into the picture. I also think that they need time together as a family rather than having to learn to deal with me too. J- doesn't necessarily like that idea. I feel like it is always me that is saying that he needs to take time with his kids and that he needs to put me on the back burner. I am the one that said there was no way that I would spend the nite when he has the kids. I don't think that is right. I care about this man greatly but I have told him that I am a big girl and can understand if things need to shift.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2007
Fri, 12-28-2007 - 6:29pm
This is a hard situation.
KRISTIE