Do actions speak louder then words? HELP
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| Thu, 01-03-2008 - 4:28pm |
Hello everyone,
I had a previous message about this same guy, the gist of it was about how I thought we were dating and he claimed we were friends with benefits, however he claimed exclusivity on the situation for the both of us. To make a very long story short: he said he did not want sex with me (since I am a virgin) he felt it was not his to take and that I should wait for a guy who loves me and someone who I have a great future with, I asked if he would get bored with what we are currently doing and he said "its all I can have" (Which was not something I ever said...) The majority of people said I had to figure out what to do with him since he made his feelings obvious - he didn't have any - many people also said to end it with him since he said he saw no future with me and not to waste my time. He was completely open and honest with me.
I left for Christmas vacation and I saw him before I left. I had it set in my mind that this would be the last time I would see him since he did not see a future with me why waste my time. I never told him that I was planning this to be our last night together, I was leaving for 3 weeks I figured the time and distance would help us both move on and we'd just go our own ways. I wanted to keep in touch with him, I really like him but I knew I could not text or talk to him and I assumed he would not make the effort.
However, since being away from him he has done some really sweet things which make me more confused then ever. He texts me randomly just to say

It's so hard when you know you like someone more than they like you.
Just because he enjoys talking to you does not mean that he wants a future with you.
Thanks for your reply!
Soon after I found out we were 'friends with benefits' I think I tricked myself into thinking I could do it - as in, have no relationship-like feelings for him. It was working too, I knew where I stood and I chalked him up as being another experience in life and dating. He is a great guy and do we have a future together, who knows!
I decided a while back that I will let whatever happens happen, carpe diem right? I've made a vow to myself to treat each time I'm with him as if it were the last. This way, when it really is the last time we'll be together, I know I made the most of it. I say this because in my last relationship, that last kiss I had with the ex, wasn't great, just another good-bye kiss but if I had known it's be the last - I'd have made it worth it. (I am over the Ex - its just an example!)
Although his recent actions confused me, I am not confused about where I am with him. (Does that make sense?) I will treat him as a friend with benefits and nothing more. He is the one who is calling and texting and putting in the effort. Of course I appreciate it but it is completely unexpected.
I use to think I liked him more then he likes me, but to be honest I think he likes me quiet a bit himself. I know he has said to me that he never wants to be something I regret and for some reason that stuck with me. Maybe I am just young and naive. Personally, I'm not anywhere near ready for a serious committed relationship, I wasn't planning on dating anyone, he was just a mutual friend which turned into something more and now here I sit 3 months after that first date wondering how the heck it all happened - c'est la vie!
I've had previous booty calls/friends with benefits and they've never been like this. Someone said to me that he wants a "high school relationship." I needed explaining on this term: a 'High school relationship'
The best thing to do is to look at the actions and see if they match the words.
Thank to everyone for their responses. This thing I have going on is going to hurt but I do not think I can continue on with him knowing their is nothing more to 'us.' It sucks, I'll admit that. And to be honest I am not sure when I will officially end it all.
"There is NO future between me and him, he made that clear, therefore I will begin to date other people, because there is someone out there who will see a future with me."
Sounds good - start to date other people.
I'll be honest - initially, when I first thought about ending it
"I'll be honest - initially, when I first thought about ending it