I never feel like I'm enough for Him

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2008
I never feel like I'm enough for Him
3
Sat, 01-12-2008 - 9:52pm

My ex and I dated for about a year and we broke up. We've still been talking and we both love each other tremendously, but we needed to not be "official" just to take time for ourselves. I guess my biggest issue is that I feel like I'm nothing to him, like I'm not important, and I don't deserve him or do enough for him. No, no, no, it's not that he deliberately makes me feel that way, he's definitely above average and treats me well most of the time, but I feel like I am constantly failing or doing something wrong. He always opens doors for me (including car doors) and really just tries his best to take care of me, but this is tearing me up. One reason we broke up is that I couldn't take it. He deserves so much better and I hate myself sometimes because I feel like I am not doing enough for him. I wanted to stop talking to him at one point because it would be so much easier. Obviously I have self-esteem issues, but how can I stop this? It is eating me alive.

Also, another question is how do I learn to listen better, like really listen? You know he says to me, he thinks the problem is that I am always trying to impress him and yeah it's true, but also you know I take things really hard when he says it. Like just something small like sometimes he will just tell me to move and nudge me out of the way instead of saying excuse me and it will make me feel like I am nothing. I said something to him about it and he apologized and tried to explain himself. I brought it up recently again because he asked what he does directly to make me feel bad and he said yeah we need to balance it out and he needs to tone it down, but he was frustrated I never listen. To him, it means nothing. Like I could do that to him and he wouldn't care. He just think we're close enough where he thinks it's overly polite to say excuse me when he's in a rush. He compared it to like the middle finger. The middle finger means nothing outside of America and he doesn't mean anything by it. I really have realized this is another big problem of mine and I don't know I guess I just am confused. It's not like he's not willing to make an effort and say more words of appreciation, but it is just hard because I want to get back together eventually and so does he, but I just can't handle feeling like nothing or like I am always messing something up. I'm just really scared of messing this up.

Thank you so much for your advice everyone...

I just wish things were easier and I'm sick of things being so hard and I just don't know if I can handle it sometimes.

P.S. Also I am going to see a counselor soon just to talk to them about this I guess. I'm not really sure what to ask. He is worried that I might be depressed because he says that I have irrational guilt, but I think he just doesn't understand. I have never wanted to kill myself or hurt myself.




Edited 1/12/2008 10:00 pm ET by pbl200o
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Sun, 01-13-2008 - 12:28pm

I think going to a counselor is a great idea.

,
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2007
Sun, 01-13-2008 - 8:33pm

I dont know why you are dating someone who you feel deserves more than you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2007
Sun, 01-13-2008 - 9:53pm

I am glad to hear you are going to counseling :)