no more sex?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2006
no more sex?
3
Sun, 01-27-2008 - 8:27pm

Hello all.

A little background before I dive into my dilemma: I met this wonderful guy from an online dating site and we've been together for 4 months (on Tuesday, it'll be exactly 4 months). He is 10 years younger than me and we have been intimate with one another just recently. There hasn't been any problems yet, except for this one...

He doesn't want to have any children (at least not right now; he's undecided). I'm at the point in my life where I don't want to have any children myself. We're both using protection while we make love (he, condoms; me, BCP). We understand the chances of me getting pregnant are slight because we're both protected, but that's the thing that's bothering him...that slight chance. What if that slight chance became true (whether from condom breakage or me not taking my BCP on time)?

We had this discussion this past weekend about the possibility of me getting preggers and what we would do about it. While we didn't come to a conclusion on what we would do, the discussion upset me. He made it sound like he didn't want to make love to me anymore. I felt really low about it and I told him that. He said that he DOES want to continue to make love, but it's that big worry that hangs over him. And it's starting to worry me also.

We're supposed to get together this weekend for the Super Bowl. I want to get intimate with him, but how can I calm down the fear he has?

I know there are other ways of getting intimate without actually having sex, but I don't know if it would matter to me if we abstain from it.

A friend of mine suggested that I ask him to get the big "V" operation ("That should relieve his fear," he said), but I don't want him to do that because he's still young. What if, one day, he changes his mind and decides he wants children? Plus, I'm not young myself. In a couple of years, I'll be entering the pre-menopausal stage.

How would you handle a situation like this? Is this a situation where I need to discuss it with my ob/gyn?

I just hope this problem doesn't end our relationship. I don't know if abstaining from sex would be a dealbreaker for me.

I don't want to turn this post into a pro-abortion or pro-life debate. I thank you all for any advice given. And I apologize if I shared too much information! :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2007
In reply to: cunygrad2007
Sun, 01-27-2008 - 10:06pm
He seems a little paranoid. Between you taking the pill and him using a condom I'd say the two of you were well protected.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
In reply to: cunygrad2007
Mon, 01-28-2008 - 12:22pm

I agree that his fears are irrational and I think a bit ridiculous.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
In reply to: cunygrad2007
Sat, 02-02-2008 - 6:32pm

Yes is definitely being irrational

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