Seeking Wisdom

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2003
Seeking Wisdom
4
Mon, 09-18-2006 - 7:31pm

Need advice… what would you do in this situation?

My MIL and FIL have been experiencing some financial hardship, and I got the phone call yesterday that I was dreading.

They need money

A little background…Growing up my DH was relied upon too much where family finances are concerned. There were a couple of times that his dad lost his job and they ended up relying on my DH and his brother (BIL) to get jobs and help pay bills so they would not lose their house. At this time, hub was 17 and bro was 16.

The boys worked very hard and did all they could until FIL got a job. DH is very resentful that through the years that he lived at home, his dad always begged or demanded money for help but never paid him back which put DH in financial strain which ultimately lead to him needing to drop out of College.

Roughly 2 years ago, MIL and FIL came for a visit and while they were here, I did their taxes for them to save them money. FIL’s job flubbed up his withholding and took out too little in federal taxes. Thus, they were surprised to find that this left them owing the gov’t nearly two grand.

Instead of following our advice and filling out the appropriate forms to get on a payment schedule with the IRS immediately, FIL sat on it. So imagine his surprise when he receives a letter in July stating that they are going to start immediate wage garnishments for not only the amount that he owed originally but now there have been 2 years of penalties and interest added to it.

FIL has made much noise about this to anyone that will listen and DH is tired of it and feels that if his father wasn’t worried about jumping right on it and getting it paid off two years ago; he does not feel sorry for him now. He is also very mad at his father because he feels that his mother is being mistreated because of FIL lack of money skills. DH has made the remark several times that he will always help his mother no matter what but that his dad’s problems are the result of his own stupidity and he can lump it.

FIL had to break down and asked for us to send them grocery money. He said that they have asked all their family, their other son, FIL even asked to be extended a little credit at work to get a few staples until payday, and was turned down (he works at a cut rate grocery store).

I want to send them the money, but DH wants to give it to his mom and demand of her that she buy food for herself and let his dad starve. I have been in a lot of situations in relationships and I have always been able to reasonably resolve them but this is a real dilemma and I don’t want his parent’s problems to be something we fight over, I refuse to do that.

What now? Help me.

Avatar for mom2danjam
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-18-2006 - 10:15pm
I would get them a grocery store gift card. That way, you know they cannot blow the money elsewhere.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2003
Tue, 09-19-2006 - 9:29am

I think you should point out that your husband said he would always help his mom. And in this situation he's helping her by making sure she has something to eat, but he is not helping her in the over-all scheme of things by putting her in the middle of his conflict with his dad. His problem is with his dad, he should take it to him.

It's fair to give the money to mom and let her spend it, but a bit much to ask that she somehow not let her husband eat any of the food.

Btw, my husband's mother confessed to him several years ago that she hadn't paid their federal taxes on their small-business for some time and owed the gov't about $10,000 bucks. He knew she was hoping/expecting him to fork over the money so she wouldn't have to tell my husband's father. We had the money to spare, but it would have been nearly all of our savings at the time. Hubs stood strong and refused to offer the money. We've never heard anything more about it. She must have resolved the issue somehow, but we have no idea if FIL ever knew or if they are done paying it off.

Your husband is right to not let this debt become his problem. So applaud him on that the way I do my husband. It's their problem and it's right to let them solve it.




Edited 9/19/2006 9:42 am ET by revolutions
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Avatar for cl_mugalug
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-19-2006 - 10:36pm
I agree. If you get them a grocery store gift card then they can only spend it there and no where else.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2003
Tue, 09-19-2006 - 10:40pm
Thanks for the suggestion. I think that would be the best thing to do.