MIL Issues

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2006
MIL Issues
1
Mon, 09-25-2006 - 11:00am

hi All,

I'll try to keep this short, so pls bear with me...I've been married for 8 months and have an overbearing MIL who doesn't like me . She has been a threat to my marriage frm day one. I tried to please her as much as I could when we were newly weds just so things could be smooth , but alas she hasn't warmed up to me at all ! DH is a good man and loves me, but also loves his mother a lot and just dotes on her! now here is the problem. MIL always wants to be the centre of attention and everything has to be about her.. She likes her son's attention as she is having a lot of problems with FIL and BIL(DH's younger brother) DH listens patiently to whatever she has to say and has a soft corner for her.. DH calls them every once a week to check on what's happening with them . So since it was Sunday he called them in the morning and spoke to MIL for a good 45 mins. Then later in the nite when we were getting ready to go to bed and discussing our weekend, MIL called about something else and went on and on for one full hour... I was so mad , that all along I kept making angry faces at DH, but he just kept chatting with her. Earlier in the day my friend called about something important and I told her that we can discuss it tomorrow, since DH was at home and it was our time together. When I confronted DH abt this, he said " How can you even compare your best friend to my mother! She has issues and wud like to talk to me.. Ever since I have been married to you, she is always guarded in her conversations with me. I felt her talking openly to me after a long time , so I just let her continue" Is this justified? Why is his mother's opinion so important to him even when he knows that she doesn't like me. I just feel at a complete loss. If MIL can't stand me and DH loves her so much that he can't see through her, it seems like a recipe for disaster.. What can be done in a situation like this.. ??Please help.

Thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
In reply to: pixie_26
Mon, 09-25-2006 - 12:34pm

She is his mother and he loves her. No matter what you say about her, that fact will never change. I don't see the problem with a scheduled weekly phone call with her lasting 45 minutes. Heck, I have a standing phone call every Sunday night with my folks. The fact that you got off the phone with your friend and then were mad that he didn't get off the phone with his mother is unjustified unless you both agreed that the weekend or specific day was "us" time and disruption (i.e. phone calls) free. Unless there was a decision to not, you have no right to get mad that he didn't do the same thing you did.

"MIL called about something else and went on and on for one full hour... I was so mad , that all along I kept making angry faces at DH, but he just kept chatting with her"

And you were surprised? He's talking to his mother who has some blinders on with her perfect can-do-no-wrong baby boy, and he's got you, the woman who should love him more, giving him dirty looks. He's not stupid, he knew you were pissed. So what was he supposed to do, hang up to get yelled at and berrated by you? That's just a foolish expectation.

"What can be done in a situation like this.. ??"

Well, in that exact situation, a far more advantageous move on your part would be to seduce him into telling her he had to go. A seductive clothing removal would have worked where an angry foot tapping failed. A sholder rub and shirt unbuttoning would have worked where a frustrated sigh failed. An unzipping of pants and the "thwipp" of a belt being pulled through the loops would have worked where an annoyed boaring stare failed. Or are you going to say that the strong possibility of nekkidfun with you wouldn't have made him bat an eye and tell her gotta go?




Edited 9/25/2006 12:37 pm ET by dansfoxywife

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