BIL still insists on staying here..help!
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| Tue, 09-26-2006 - 2:05am |
Last night, BIL and wife called here 5 times and played dumb because I answered the phone. They told each other nobody is there each time, so I hung up cuz no response to me. I finally had enough and took the phone off the receiver, lol. Didn't want to talk to me. Tonight when I arrived home,I noticed out of area call again. I knew it was him. Guess what? I checked our email and he sent one saying how great it was talking on the phone with him tonight. He also said that it looks like they may have found a way to get home now. If husband told them they can be here, all heck is breaking out. I also find it interesting they call here after him being there 4 months prior with no phone calls, not to us, brother or anybody else. Nor has he asked any other family member to stay there because he knows it is NO. They told me not to let him move back in. Why don't he respect me? He even got his now wife against me before he moved out and went to japan to be with her. What a great way to be introduced when she does get her. Not good.
No emails from him for over a week. My husband even emailed him back a week ago when he had a few minutes(briefly, didnt say you can be here). Hubby feels his wife wrote those emails for him, lol, and told him;) A few days ago(addressed us both), we got an email regarding how to find out some info(legal). The 2nd email addressed to both, was telling us how he opened his brokerage account finally and used our address because he needed a usa one, hope you don't mind, just throw it in a box! Jerk! What happened to asking, being polite? He knows I sent all his mail back! That peeves me off.
In the email a few nights ago to us both, he says he'd like to get here soon(city 30 mins away but was too far) before NBA season starts and would be an outrage if he misses it. The last part of this email, he slips in asking when my parents are moving in. What does he NOT get? My mother is now here and it don't matter if she is or a baby on the way. Buzz off! I've been very upfront and told him 3 times you cannot be here! This guy and his wife obviously doesn't respect me and my feelings or MY marriage, to keep pursuing this and to call brother and push it. WTH? Very disrespectful and he is playing his wife into this too. Help!

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Maybe it's time to take off the gloves? He's not playing nice, so maybe you need to up the responses a bit.
Can your hubby tell him that he is not welcome at your (HUBBY and you) home and if he shows up at your doorstep expecting compassion, even if it's 3AM (I bet he would do it, so he could claim "nothing's open") HUBBY will not let them in? Not even poor, sad, oh-so-tired wifey who did choose, after all, to hitch up with this guy. And not even if she has to go to the bathroom, really, really bad after all that traveling! Can he tell him that the most he will do for his brother is to call a taxi for him?
Your DH can tell his brother he'll be more than happy to see him, hang out a little, visit and all that, just not at your (his) home.
Good luck new_horizons99. I do hope this user finally hears the message.
lve2read
PS, if none of that works, shoot him! (only half serious)
I am thinking so too, lay it on him thick and heavy. He couldn't let this thing go. Or should I first respond back to his email asking what they came up with? If he even mentions my place, then do it. I think it is totally selfish of him to be acting this way. I am also positive he has his new wife against me because he didn't like me laying the rules around here before he moved so he got her to badmouth me too! All my fault! Nice huh? She's apparently buying into his crap to have her now email us both and sign his name when it is so not his style. Obviously, he has no regard for my feelings, my home, my wishes and my marriage to his brother recently and after all we have gone through, to do this crap. All he is thinking of his needs. Grrr!
My hubby does not have the balls to tell him straight up and thinks we clash due to personality issues and he is not trying to manipulate us into moving back in. BS! My hubby is a softy and does not like to rock the boat to make enemies, but sometimes you have to say it like it is! This is exactly why his brother has done what he has and nobody else puts up with him because he knows who he can manipulate. My husband tells me I am the enforcer around here and I will put this guy in his place once and for all.
Your title says he still insists on staying at your place. But you have told him, No, and his latest e-mails didn't say he was coming to your place. Right?
Are you just speaking from your fears? If so, then just continue being very clear when the subject comes up. The rest of the time, try to find happier things to think about. You have loads of other stress. Don't worry about the BIL on the doorstep until you actually SEE him on the doorstep. Then call him a cab and tell him your door is staying bolted.
No he hasn't outright said he is coming here. He is behaving this way to manipulate us. I see through him and learned quite a bit when he stayed here before. he has no money to come here and get their own place so he is playing these games. He is known for it in his family and now he got the new wife into this.
I am afraid he may do just that, show up on the doorstep. All heck will break loose and I am trying to avoid that now. I don't want a family fight to evolve from this but he is not being fair or respecting us. That is why I'm trying to nip it now before they leave Japan thinking he'll come here anyhow and we will feel sorry for them and take them in.
I feel for you. I understand the pushy types that think they can do whatever and you should have to deal with it because 'we're family'!
With all the other things that you have going on, you don't have the time or energy to worry with his mess. I think that you should come right out and tell him that you suspect that his behavior is classic manipulation and tell him that you extended him your home the first time and that it will not happen again. Tell him that he is married and that means he needs to be a man and support and care for his wife and that they are a family - they need to work together towards a solution to their problem.
I would also go down to the Post Office and put a stop to his using your address. This guy seems so creepy, it would be really bad if he was running some scam. The feds would visit the only address known for him, yours!
I would also make it crystal clear to hubby that an invitation will not be extended to them in any form.
Good Luck, keep us posted.
follow me to my partner in the siggy exchange
Just tell him straight out "NO YOU CAN NOT STAY HERE". that is all. Why do the phone call crap...sounds like H.S. crap. Just be honest with him already. Be right up front...end of story. You have NO obligation to even be nice to this guy.
I do not know why that is
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