Living with in-laws

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Living with in-laws
3
Wed, 09-27-2006 - 3:22pm

Hey this advice is for anyone living withe their in-laws---well, mine are our future in-laws----------we live with them for financial reasons--we are engaged, and i am in school, but he does not go to school because he works all the time because of all the "big boy toys" he has that he needs to pay for---we have worked out our differences (him being a mama's boy who won't stand up for me or himself, him being spoiled, selfish, and afraid of his parents)---we worked through that, but living with his parents is becoming more and more unbearable as life goes on---i cannot stand his mother---she is manipulative, controlling, judgemental, selfish, and over involved in our lives---i mean she thinks everything is her darn business, and this makes me so mad---i am at the point of just moving out--i cannot stand who i am when i am around her or him and her together----and how she runs his life it makes me so incredibly angry---how my opinion never matters and i am stil treated like an outsider, which i know will never change even if we are married, because his mother tells everyone how i am not like them and how blood will always be thicker than water and crap like that......anyway, feel free to leave me any advice that you want to.......anything is appreciated............i just need some support as i move into a place of my own to get some space and find myself and move on if necessary....thanks ladies.......goddesskatiebelle
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2006
Wed, 09-27-2006 - 4:02pm
Have you talked with you BF about how unwelcome they make you feel? I too lived with in-laws and know how hard and frustrating it can be especially when they won't "let you live your life and they live their's" If BF is on your side which he should be if his mom is not treating you nicely maybe you and BF can sit down his parents and talk to them, maybe have BF talk to them first and tell them that they are not treating you nicely and that you are willing ( if you are) to work with them. If they are not willing to then hopefully that will be a big "slap of reality to BF of how his mom really is and you too can try to figure out a new living arrangment. The most important thing is that you and BF are a joint front, If BF is not on your side then the decision is up to you but if he's not on your side now then he probally won't ever be. GoodLuck keep us posted!
Avatar for cl_mugalug
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-28-2006 - 12:14am

Well it sounds like he doesn't stand up for himself and if he won't stand up for himself then he won't stand up for you. I think that it would be better for you to move out. He obviously isn't ready to be a man. He proved that when he bought toys that he couldn't afford. If he has to live with his parents to pay for it, then he is living beyond his means and he only cares about the superfical things in life. That is not someone you want to marrry. He will continue to think of only him and by things for himself. My Dh use to be that way. It took a long time and him getting a job that forced him to give me control of the finances for it to stop. I would tell him the reasons that you are moving out are because one he is not a responsbile adult because he buys things that he can't afford, and that he won't stand up for himself to his Mom. Good luck.

P.S. Remember he isn't ready for marriage.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-28-2006 - 8:57pm

I have lived long enough now to look back and see it -- it's as clear as day to me now.

The people who were like your BF when they were teens and young adults - they are STILL THAT WAY. They are 50 and still living for (and off of) mom and dad and whoever they can get their clutches upon.

The people who worked hard, lived clean, set goals and made things happen - they were always that way and they still are.

You've been waiting for your BF to grow into a man. You think you have seen some small signs of progress and it stirs your hopes. I'm sorry to say: I would bet a lot of money against your chances.