Need help with in-laws!!!
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| Thu, 09-28-2006 - 10:58pm |
This is going to be kind of long and need advise quick! I'm really stressed about this whole situation. First off my husband and I have been married for 12 and half years, we have two beautiful boys and everything has been good. We've had our ups and downs like any other couple. The past year, him and I have been fighting almost everyday because of his sister and mother. They used to live in FL and we would see them about 4-5 times a year, his sister just decided she wanted to up and move to our state. Not only did she move to our state but decided on moving one street over from us. His mother then had problems with her marriage and decided to move here as well. She moved in one street from us as well. Now I have one sister and one mother stopping by daily, dropping off "presents" checking in on us if one of us is ill etc, etc. Not only do they call my husband daily just to chat and ask a bunch of questions, they come over unannounced as well. Their presents include little things like toliet paper and pop to a whole new decoration pieces for one of my bathrooms. It's getting so bad that my rooms aren't looking like mine anymore. Also, they usually want to "ride" together to my son's soccer games. They invite themselves to our dinners. It's getting to the point where I almost want to flee. I feel so smothered, and that out marriage isn't ours anymore. I just want things to go back to the way they were before, when it didn't seem like our marriage was extended. I mean they have to be involved in every little thing, it's crazy! My husband had tried to talk to them about boundaries but he's very much a mama's boy so that didn't go over to well. I forgot to mention that my husband also does all the "man" work on their houses as well. Please any advise would be great, or I'm afraid my marriage is doomed, I just can't breathe.
Thanks,
Gabby

Wow, so you literally have the live version of Everybody Loves Raymond eh? That's gotta suck.
"My husband had tried to talk to them about boundaries"
You know, for a little green make-believe alien Yoda was extremely wise when he said "Do or don't. There is no try!" There is no trying to talk about boundaries. You set them. They come over with a "present" that is unwelcome you say "that was a nice thought but no thank you". They want a "ride" and you've got plans or don't want them to you say "I'm sorry, maybe next time". They come over unannounced you stop them at the door and say "Now is not a good time, if you would have called it would have saved you the trip over. Maybe (fill in day)."
You've just got to be matter of fact, consistant, and polite. Sure they won't like it. But it is obvious that they aren't worried about hurting your marriage don't you dare worry about hurting their feelings. As for your husband, you might want to point out those vows, "let no one put assunder". It means quite literally let no one come between the two of you. He is letting them butt themselves as a point of contention.
Good luck, and be strong.
Thanks so much for the reply. You have brought up some great points, I will definitely try to do that. I do have a problem with beating around the bush and not being direct. I will try not to be the "quiet" one while everyone else does as they wish. I will be polite but as you mentioned direct. I hope they get the point. I'll keep you posted.
Thanks,
Gabbie