Just Want Your Thoughts
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| Wed, 10-04-2006 - 11:47pm |
Im just looking to get people's thoughts on the following situation.My husband is Catholic and comes from a strict religious upbringing. However, DH is not very religious himself. He does attend church on a semi regular basis . He meets his parents at the church when he goes. I am Protestant but do not attend church very often. Mil and Fil are aware that I am not Catholic. There was a short period of time where I was attending mass with DH and the in laws. Not really certain why, I just felt like it. That stopped when one Sunday after church we had dinner at DH's parent's house. Fil made a comment about a man who sits in front of them every week with his family. When the man's family would rise , say prayers or go to take communion, he would remain seated. Fil mentioned this, to which Mil commented that the man was likely not Catholic but just attending church with his family regardless. Fil then stated that the man didn't belong there and " Why the hell is he there if he isn't Catholic?"
As I said before, he knows I am Protestant. I felt the comment was pretty hateful. I wouldn't have cared if he had said it if I wasn't there as I don't care what DH's family does or says. However I did find it offensive since I was there.How would you guys have handled this? I was a little too taken aback to reply.

I would have said, "Maybe because he wants to be there with his family?" Or,"How dare YOU judge another person. Who the HELL are YOU?" Who is your FIL to be saying who belongs at a church or who does not? I thought churches were for everyone.
My dad was not Catholic and Mom and us kids were. (I no longer am, but that really doesn't matter I guess) He would go with us to Mass sometimes. It is called being a family and supporting one another. Perhaps your FIL should think about that one.
You know, he might actually be Catholic. My dad doesn't stand in church because he has debilitating, disabling back problems and he physically can't stand for that long, especially the stand, sit, kneel, stand, sit, kneel, etc. in the Catholic church.
I find your FIL's comment particularly insensitive and offensive, and yet still moronic and narrowminded. Sorry he's such a jerk. I, too, would have probably not said anything to him about it. I mean, it would have done no good for you to tell him off, other than making you feel better, but that's not always the best emotion to follow. I'd have talked to my DH later about it, but I doubt I'd have argued with him or mentioned it even later on. Just let it go and know that it's his real character at work.
Oh, my DH is protestant, too, and he goes to church with me and our DD. He stands for prayers, etc., but he doesn't go for communion. This is what our priest said when we went to talk to him before getting married. He told us that everyone is welcome to visit and participate and take communion in the Catholic church regardless of their denomination. But, he said, if it seems like the guests are making a habit of it, they should probably "come to the table as full members of the Catholic family." So, your FIL isn't so accurate about his views, anyway.
Besides, if his church is anything like the ones around here, it's not like a "Real Catholic" got turned away at the door because the sitting man took the last seat.
I think it's pretty nice that the man attends church with his family...regardless.
Your FIL's comment makes me think of a certain somebody who makes comments about people who have handicapped parking stickers and "appear" to be fine.
Wow, talk about not thinking before you speak.
Michelle due 2/12/10 w/#4
>>>Fil mentioned this, to which Mil commented that the man was likely not Catholic but just attending church with his family regardless. Fil then stated that the man didn't belong there and " Why the hell is he there if he isn't Catholic?"<<<
I would try to determine what FIL was thinking when he said it. I'm pretty good at reading people's facial expression, tone, body language, etc., so I'd make my best guess as to whether he was just a bit cranky that day, spoke before he thought, or if it was a jab at me. Then bank my observations for future reference.
I'd also go to the priest or person in charge at that church and discuss my concerns about FIL, his comments, and attending mass/services. Ask for suggestions on handling possible future comments from anyone including FIL. If I were comfortable with attending mass again at that point, then I would.
I grew up in a family where my dad is catholic and the rest of us are or were (I turned catholic)methodist. We went with dad to his church on occassion and he came to ours. There is not a problem with it. I would have told your FIL that we are all trying to get to the same place so what is the problem. Just because the man your FIL was talking about saying he didn't belong there cause your FIL thought the guy didn't belong could be all wrong. When my dad goes to mass he doesn't take communion. I've only seen him take it once in my whole life!. I asked him why he didn't and he said it was something personal. So maybe that is why that man doesn't do the kneeling or take communion meaning he doesn't agree with the same beliefs that the catholic church does.
I know I might make someone mad here and I'm sorry if I do, but with some of the older catholics and the catholic preists seem to think that if you are not catholic then you don't belong. Or if you don't believe the same things they do then they kind of shun you I guess I want to say. So don't take it personally. If anything ask your FIL if he has a problem with you not being catholic. Well I hope this helps you on what to say. Good Luck!!
I don't know how I would have handled it. I think I would probably be so shocked that someone would say something that stupid and mean that I probably wouldn't have known what to say.
I have to say that what your FIL said was pretty shortsighted and ignorant.