MIL refuses to apologize
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| Fri, 10-06-2006 - 11:45am |
Hi,
Incase anyone hasn't read my posts before I had a big blowout with MIL in June. She yelled and screamed at me at my 5 & 6 year old sons' event in front of everyone there including my kids. She called me terrible names and swore like a truck driver and even threatened to slap me. This was all because my son dropped his ice cream, had a tantrum, and I wouldn't get him another because of the way he acting. She couldn't stand to see him cry and wanted to just let him have his way. When dh told her to just sit down and mind her business she got mad and started making coments like "it's not my fault, I'm not the one making him cry" and "don't blame me that your life is crap". Correct me if I'm wrong but I believe these coments were referring to me even though they were not said directly to me. Anyway I told her that these were my kids and I will do want I want and I am the mother not her. That is when she blew up at me. Then she harrassed us with letters and emails badmouthing me until finally I tried to get a restraining order and dh and I took her to court. The judge told us that we didn't need a court order to keep her away and that she needs to let go.
She has never liked me from the beginning. She doesn't think anyone is good enough for her son. She has told stories about me to her son accusing me of not feeding my kids and abusing them. She even lied and said she put a tape recorder under my couch and it had me saying terrible things to my kids and about my husband of which were not true. She even admitted there she really didn't put a tape recorder there and she just wanted her son to know what he lives with. She always wants to be in control and I won't let her and my dh is behind me. In 11 years this was the first time I spoke up to her.
Anyway she wants to see her grandchildren. My dh's uncle told him that she fell at a restaurant and got hurt so I told dh that he should call and show his concern. She is still his mother. After she told him what happened she asked when is she going to see the kids. Dh told her she needs to apologize first and she got mad and said for what. Then she wrote him a letter saying that we should apologize to her for treating her the way we did and taking her to court. She said that I started the fight at the ball park and that we should know that if we provoke someone they will fight back. I believe I was the one being provoked. She said that if I didn't want an argument in public I should have kept my mouth shut.
I should add that she wants us to drop off the kids and have no interaction with her. That will never happen. If she apologizes should I take the kids there and stay or should I just not let her see them at all. I know they love her and I don't want to be the one to take their grandmother away but I can't let them be alone with her. They only asked if they could go there once since then because they saw a picture that was taken in her apartment. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want them to be sad but I do think that all of us deserve an apology.
I guess my question is how do you explain to a 5 & 6 year old that their grandmother has something mentally wrong with her? They see her as the nice grandmother who gives them whatever they want and is fun to be with.
Edited 10/6/2006 1:09 pm ET by mom_tweety37

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"I just don't want my kids to think that I am the one keeping them from her "
You don't? I would wear it like a badge of honor. I protect my kids. You protect your kids, that is something to be proud of.
If it came up why they couldn't see grandma I would tell them "as your mommy it is my job to keep you safe and not put you with people who are dangerous in any level, even if that person is grandma. I love you too much to put you in a situation that kids shouldn't have to worry about".
You know, I wouldn't let her near my kids, even with an apology. An apology does not automatically fix things. Besides, it would be just lip service. She thinks she has done nothing wrong. She made horrible accusations about you. If that were my mother, I would have nothing to do with her, nevermind if it were my MIL.
You have to protect your kids. They will get over not seeing her.
I wouldn't let her see them at all. If she does conceded and apologize, she doesn't mean it. You know that there is nothing sincere about an apology from her. Just because she mutters the words doesn't mean that she feels anything.
DH is on your side about her. I'd be concerned about how negative she is (and a liar) and what she would say to your children about you.
No, she doesn't have any rights to them and if she can't treat you with respect, she can get over it.
I think she's behaved abominably and would say things that would undermine your relationship with your children.
And, I'd explain to your children that you are their mommy and love them and that they can't see her because it's a consequence of being mean and lying about their mommy. And that it's hard for their dad, but that he wants you to be treated nicely by people.
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