This is affecting my marriage!
Find a Conversation
| Fri, 10-06-2006 - 1:59pm |
I need to vent, and some advice.
My DH is the youngest of 5. His next oldest sibling is 14 years older than him. All of my in-laws are actually older than my parents. The older ones are close, but my DH has never been close to them, and my family has kind of claimed him, LOL. I don't like any of my in-laws, they are all really trashy, they "use" the welfare system, they are all ignorant about politics, religion, world affairs, all of them have teeth missing, and they and their kids often call us for bail money for drug related offenses. I got the good one. There is so much high drama in their lives, I stay far away. I am sure it is because when they were young both of their parents were raging alcoholics. By the time my DH came along, they were clean, and older, more settled.
One of my SIL's was diagnosed with throat cancer last year. She is only 46. I am really sorry for her, but frustrated, too. There was this HUGE outpouring of grief for her, as there should be. But, she has poured whiskey down her throat for 30 years, and smokes 2 packs a day. I just don't know why anyone was suprised that her health suffered. The family got together, and asked my DH for $10,000 to help her during treatment. We have 5 children, while the rest of them either have no kids, or they are all grown. We just don't have that kind of money. My DH did give her $3,000 with my blessing.
They treated her, and she got a clean bill of health. Last night, my DH got a call that said the cancer was back, and it had spred to her lungs, and liver. He was of course, devestated. I asked him what was said, and he said that SIL went to the ENT doctor for a check-up, and he did a scan and said it was back. I asked if she had seen an oncologist, nope. Did she have a biopsy, nope. I got a little mad, and said, "An ent did a some sort of scan, saw something, and just pronounced it CANCER?" That just sounded wrong to me. Then he said that the same doctor sat the three sister down and told them that they would probably ALL get the same cancer sooner or later, because it was genetic. I said, an ENT said that? Yup. Did he do a gene study on all the sisters? NOPE. I kind of blew up, because I was so upset that my DH was upset. Now, my DH is mad at me.
I knew I sound like a real jerk, but none of these people have ever visited me when I had babies. My twins were premature, and one almost died. They never even called us to see what was up. When my FIL was ill, my DH and I took care of him, physically and financially. We paid for the funeral. What do I do, how long do I have to be quiet? I'm just a big jerk. I am just SO tired of the drama.

It sounds like you are angry with your in-laws and are taking it out on your husband. Rightly so angry, wrongly so taking it out. Your DH loves his crummy family because they're family, and he was genuinely hurting for his sister and her cancer scare. To hear that it's back is enough to get worried over. It was mean of you to get mad at him for being worried. They were jumping to conclusions based on what some ENT has been telling them, and spreading their sketchy information. So you point out with your questions that it's sketchy information. He probably didn't realize the information was sketchy until your questions. Then you get mad at him for being upset. That just seems cruel to me.
I say you owe him an appology. It was wrong of you to get upset at him. Upset at his family yes, but it sounds like he knows his loyalty is with you not them, so you shouldn't be treating him like he is betraying you by choosing them over you.
follow me to my partner in the siggy exchange